Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML
Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML
Today, my husband moved all the furniture a few inches to the left because he saw online that it makes moving around the house really difficult, and he wanted to test it out. Unfortunately, the one who tested it out was me; I got home, went to sit down, and broke 2 toes on the coffee table. FML
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML
Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DrAwesome 6
She was talking about YOU, silly! She already wants to marry you! :D
CitrusGirl 0
You are probably a very unobservant fellow. If she's your neighbor you should probably see his car at least.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
STP907 8
apparently somehow he didn't notice the man(her husband) that went to and from the house every day
HappyPickles 11
How did you come to the conclusion your neighbour was single? Assuming you were basically right that she is single, then she is probably married and separated, or possibly even divorced and just refers to her ex as her husband... However, probably not a bad idea to ask for a bit more detail about this "husband"... If nothing else, find if out you can get anything of yours fixed while he's fixing the couch... :o)
RedPillSucks 33
Damnit Becky! I've fixed this couch literally a thousand times. What the hell are you doing to this couch and what are these white splotches? Have you been eating sour cream out here again?
DocBastard 40
...and that's the sound of Red exceeding the limits of good taste. Well played.
RedPillSucks 33
Crushing the limits of good taste.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Om nom nom.
mitri_fml 3
lulz grammar Nazis ftw.your so funny (lol)
Mr25_fml 14
Yum, cookies and MILF
beccusmaximus 0
Has anyone though that maybe this woman and her husband are separated/divorcing?
matt1397 0
mmmm threesome ahoy! lmao
me5me5 0
That's odd... You're from Australia and yet you spell neighbour 'neighbor' using the American spelling. Interesting.
Zebidee 9
Sometimes we self-edit stuff that we post online. It's a lot easier to change the spelling than having to listen to the howls of stupidity.
cdcapn 0
tell her next time you guys go out to bring the husband along
Draminicaus 0
61, I really hope that was sarcastic.