Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML
Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML
Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML
Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped two of the cushions. FML
Today, I guess my husband was trying to prove something by fixing our dishwasher himself instead of letting the maintenance man come. He watched videos on YouTube but ended up breaking it beyond repair, thus voiding the warranty. Now we have to replace the whole thing at full price. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, my idiot husband broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. I just caught him trying to fix it in his shed because he cut the wire with bolt cutters so he could, of all things, eat a steak before it went bad, then tried to close his jaw again with fishing line. FML
Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
If I did something that stupid, my wife would use that machete on me
Lobby_Bee 18
He needs lessons from Danny Trejo.
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Comments (14)
mike3775 39
If I did something that stupid, my wife would use that machete on me
Lobby_Bee 18
He needs lessons from Danny Trejo.
Glowworm56 27
Whatever did that poor couch do to your husband?
Chazzster 32
OP, I am sorry - You are married to an idiot.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Is your husband by any chance related to that guy who sliced his toe with a katana a few weeks ago?
azouwa 26
And... that's another reason why I'm single.
exileonmainst 16
Don't see the problem here. Although I'm partial to nice holes, preferably not too big though..
boopingsnoot 25
I'm glad I learned responsible machete-handling at an early age
RichardPencil 32
I hope for his sake that something went wrong with his machete trick. He could still be a lovable klutz. If he executed the trick as planned, he’d be an asshole.
Lucky O'Guin 18
Tell that Ninja-go!!!