Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Now that you’ve gotten over that hurdle, you’re halfway to eating placenta. There’s a newly single girl who’s into that.
mt21mt 15
So what? If you trust her and know her enough to know she isn't HIV+ and doesn't have Hep C, a little blood won't hurt you. Have you ever eaten a rare steak? You are more likely to get sick from that.
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Comments (21)
mt21mt 15
So what? If you trust her and know her enough to know she isn't HIV+ and doesn't have Hep C, a little blood won't hurt you. Have you ever eaten a rare steak? You are more likely to get sick from that.
Lord Calvanian 2
Hate to break it to you but thats not blood. It's like blood but it's not blood. It's a mixture of water and a protein called myoglobin, whose purpose is to help ship oxygen to muscle cells. I'm a carnivore. I know these things.
Danishduckling 20
Except the fact that it's not really comparable - the red meat juice from a rare steak isn't blood but myoglobin, and you're not more likely to get sick from it - you've got a higher chance of getting sick from ingesting blood from another person than eating a steak that has been cooked, where the surface has been properly seared - you won't find as many harmful pathogens inside the meat, as you would in "raw" blood
Robert Owen 5
You do understand the point of a woman's menses, right? I'm just saying.
GhostFox 34
Yeeeeah, the stuff that comes out of a woman's uterus during her menstruation? That's not just blood. It's blood, tissue, and bacteria, all of which has started to rot by the time it actually passes the cervix. It can also have full blown bacteria or fungal infections. If the "period" is actually a very early miscarriage- which happens pretty commonly in cases where they aren't far a long enough to even know they are pregnant- that comes out with the rest of it. In other words, very little in common with rare steaks.
RockPrincess26 16
Wow. You're a ******* idiot. Are you vegan by any chance?
Lord Calvanian 2
Simply put. Rip!
wmayrhofer 18
stuffy nose?
RichardPencil 32
Now that you’ve gotten over that hurdle, you’re halfway to eating placenta. There’s a newly single girl who’s into that.
Donut_Wizard 23
I like your reference to a previous FML.
RichardPencil 32
Thank you for your kind words. :)
ninjadad 3
Callback to previous FML post, FTW!
RichardPencil 32
Colonel Sanders is spinning in his grave, projectile vomiting — it looks like a lawn sprinkler.
YallDeservedItJk 22
So, how was it? Salty?
DDJC_fml 6
Yo, wtf. I made a submission nearly identical to this, but it was denied or turned down
jfsiv 17
you probably forgot to format it correctly with "today" and "FML" at beginning and end, or it had typos. bummer if someone else stole it.
RockPrincess26 16
They automatically add the "today" and the "fml."
jfsiv 17
if you delete it from the text box, they don't re-use it.
mitolit 12
I guess Buffy was slayed by the vampire this time...
Lobby_Bee 18
Sucks to find out you ain't that great at fingering, it's just blood.
RockPrincess26 16
Nope. It's tissue and bacteria too. Maybe even a miscarried baby.
thehaystackerine 20
I've eaten my wife out during her period.