Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML
Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML
Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML
Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML
Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML
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Top comments
soiheardyoufaile 4
Ah that's just him claiming the spot, better luck next time!
hockeyrocks39 0
Did you wait? Maybe he picks up after himself. He might have had some hobo shit bags, kind of like the dog baggies and cleaned it right up for your pretty little car.
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Comments (99)
soiheardyoufaile 4
Ah that's just him claiming the spot, better luck next time!
i_love_grrr 0
it would probably be easier to claim if he peed on it lol
theuns 8
#20 win
VorpikeII 17
ya seriously, what's with all the homeless people ******** FML's lately?
j_cat187 20
at least he wasent taking a shit threw ur moonroof
zojieeu 6
was he having a hard time of getting the shit out of his ass?
FunwithBumperCar 0
That's how i claim my parking spots in the city, works every time
FarSide 23
...And you were expecting... dog shit?? Come on people. What is a little shit on asphalt? As long as we don't all shit in the same shit spot, there will be enough spots to go around. By then, it will rain and we can start all over again. I ask you FMYlifers: ARE WE TAKING OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY???
adrianblackett 0
arrite farside dats enough outta u
m0tl3ycru3 0
better than nothing
_Itz_Meena_ 0
exactly what I was thinking.
Zhu8 5
well you obviously don't care for/have a nice car.
_Itz_Meena_ 0
well obviously you don't realize the only part of the car it would get on is the wheels and you can wash them. so there's no point in being worried about your car. stepping in it is what Op should be worried about lol.
ciarafox9 9
wow now that's a crappy situation!
m0tl3ycru3 0
please enough with the awful puns they're way too overused
pinkp909 8
ahahaha that's punny.
malpalll 0
I literally just commented on another FML saying how ******* stupid this pun has gotten.
poy2x 0
shit happens
dgr8ing 0
ha!
VorpikeII 17
im gonna try a never used before pun so people stop using the other bad ones. it's a SHITuation!!!!
Barney_Rubble_75 0
that's what your horn and accelerator are for.
fluffyrocka 0
If it was steaming I suggest you not park there
Frelling 0
If you plant the accelerator too hard you might leave skid marks.
PSQ91 6
That's when you get crazy and hit this guy with a baseball bat. I know I would have.
PSQ91 6
oh yeeah.
BahahahLOL 0
This one time I saw an old dude park in the cart-return thing.
atomicbaboon 0
damn old people. the world would be so much better without them.
cudi504 4
yea we should take out old people when theyre born
shortie916 0
Don't slip haha :)
pinkp909 8
yummy;) but seriously. no one likes hobos.. run him over.
RileyL29 0
Rude.
Frelling 0
Or ass to mouth for a dollar.
Got_any_grapes1 4
Ikr! But like, everyone loves snobby bitches like you. And they're so stupid, because it's obvious that's where they chose to live.
pinkp909 8
oh. my gosh. OBVIOUSLY I was kidding.
LilTiki559 13
yeaah 89, people on FML clearly have no common sense these days..I miss the OLD FML site..the good old days.
forever2life 0
lol
Livinia 11
Well keep driving. Can't a guy do a shit in privacy anymore?
cptmorgan15 2
No shit! OP was probably just sitting there waiting, pissing off the bum cause he was just trying to take his morning glory. No respect.
hockeyrocks39 0
Did you wait? Maybe he picks up after himself. He might have had some hobo shit bags, kind of like the dog baggies and cleaned it right up for your pretty little car.
kritz0 10
Right after he licks himself clean?
KaanTech 0
exactly