Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML
Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML
Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML
Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML
Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML
Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
“You shall love the Lord ... with all your head.” Check!
sourgirl101 29
They’re not called “Bible thumpers” for nothing.
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Comments (14)
samomaha 17
Out of all the teachings in the Bible, teachings that touch practically every aspect of our lives, why did one very specfici item, "wearing nothing offensive", spring forward?
MidnaLink 35
In case some idiot decided to say something stupid.
Peaches1914 13
Like your comment
RichardPencil 32
“You shall love the Lord ... with all your head.” Check!
sourgirl101 29
They’re not called “Bible thumpers” for nothing.
jbuckets_404 39
This particular case might better be referred to as "Bible-Whackers" as in getting whacked over the head (literally) with said Bible. Then again, the term "whacking" does have a prurient form of usage or two that some might object to directly associating with the (in-this-case, Flying - or Falling?) Word of God.... Lol [--Life-long R/C. Smh....]
GamerChickxoxo 16
This is why people burn churches down :) lookup Nero throwing Christians to the lions and making them into human candles
jbuckets_404 39
Rome burned during Nero's time due to crowded vendor tent conditions at Circus Maximus, lack of fire-fighting technology at that point in civilization, prevalent use of wood for housing (not brick/ concrete), overcrowding of housing in general (both in terms of occupancy & minimal distance between building ie, being slums/ ghettos), and ironically (?) just following the Senate's recent rejection of Nero's plans to tear down 1/3 of Rome to build his desired Neropolis. The search for assigning (political) blame commenced after 9 days of fire which burned up 2/3 of Rome....
TCRII 30
Doubt it was a Christian who threw the bible at you.
jbuckets_404 39
Maybe he just had poor aim/ throwing accuracy and simply didn't lead you enuf like NFL QB [Insert your choice here] would've.... ;-)
jbuckets_404 39
Love hurts ... even from the Lord above! LOL! --Life-long R/C [--Channeling RichardPencil] Perhaps the sender wanted OP to be prepared with a personally-preferred-i.e.,-chosen resource ahead of time??? Was anything yelled out during said "drive-by? (lol)" On my college campus, I was once handed a pocket-sized edition of the Gideon Bible. Alas, part-way thru it, one had to turn it upside-down to resume reading it legibly. Then repeat once more later on. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly a big hit or an easily-consulted reference. Lol Perhaps OP's "benefactor" didn't like that particular copy of his Bible for some reason and was simply trying to get rid of it, but OP was literally an innocent bystander er, pedestrian??? So many questions per said provider of God's Word, so few answers.... (If only there was someplace/ some thing to look/ to consult for finding them.... Lol) [--Again channeling The RP....]
BurnInDemonFire 39
So God finally decided to try and smite Bruce. Took long enough. Wonder why it didn't work...
Major_Haywire 7
Only wearing crotch less panties and nipple tassels could, in theory, offend some people
JenniF_fml 9
I'm guessing probably a non-Christian threw it. Believers tend to treat their Bibles with respect