Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML
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Top comments
katieatieay 0
if someone said that to me, it would really just make me want to **** him even more. i'm not lying or being sarcastic. but... relax for heavens sake, it's not like he said he'll never have sex with you again. he's not in the mood. just make him some ******* hot chocolate.
johnburke 0
Haha wow, that was priceless. I'd never do that to a woman
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Comments (67)
supergeniuse 0
Wouldve been funnier if he was the one in stillettos.
lpkamma 0
don't be so hard on him, he probably had just got back from ******* his girlfriend and had nothing left in the tank for you
ohhhhshizzz 0
Go **** yourself, kay?
BrEnNo1023 5
at least he was honest about it. not all guys ALWAYS want sex. The OP just picked a bad time to guess what was on his mind. she guessed wrong, i guess. but i would have made the hot chocolate myself. i CAN'T make people do things for me while i just sit down and expect it. i don't believe in the 'woman stays in the kitchen' and 'obeys the man of the house' bullcrap.
n3rdzgotskillz 29
I hope by "if you were black" you mean, "if you suffered severe burns from a grease-fire tragedy" and not just her skin tone, otherwise one might be inclined to think you're racist. Hmm.
Serperoth 0
Well after someone comes home from work they are usually tired. He asked for a hot chocolate to relax, so why not make him one and wait until he is in the bloody state of mind to notice your nudity? He gets a nice hot drink, you both get nice hot sex. Everyone wins.
czarofandronia 0
maybe hot chocolate had a diff meaning that u didn't think of ;) XD
Greg73_fml 0
Everyone in here is an idiot..Everybody should know he was just looking for an exuse to break out the chocolate syrup!
hayoudumbass 0
okay he came from a hard long day at work and then he has to look at the same face he has been looking at for who knows how many years give the guy a break
MikeFlame 0
You should have had just Whipped Cream on