Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML
Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML
Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some Midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML
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Top comments
TheEpicKitten 20
That makes me legitimate sick. You should probably have a doctor explain to her that it doesn't work that way
Tripartita 45
"So, how'd you get into the hair growth business?" "Haha, funny story, actually. I'd just been ejected from somebody's uterus through their ******, and they were like, 'I gotta put this shit on my husband's head,' so I decided, like, when life gives you lemons… you know?"
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Comments (37)
emily804864757 4
That is the most ****** up thing I have ever heard. Genuinely ask her to give a scientific reason why she thinks that will work. Maybe ask her high school biology teacher how well she did in class because...I don't think she got an A.
HappyPickles 11
So presumably your wife has a really hairy box...
kevingirl 6
that is just so gross. How the hell do you sleep through her doing that to you.
nyagemini23 22
That's an automatic divorce! Yuck I'm curious though , has it helped with your hair growth?!
onceuponatime456 16
Ask her if she wants a divorce, when she says "No", tell her to not do it again or she will be getting one. On second thought, get rid of the bitch now, she does not care about what you think or say and is not worth staying with!
isquaredkeepingitreal 24
This has to be the grossest FML post I have ever read. I don't usually like jumping to conclusions, but in this case, I'll make an exception. Your wife must have some psychological issues to do this. Even if a person honestly believed in something so disgusting; physically doing it is a concept I cannot (or will not) imagine. I once met a girl who bathed in lemon juice to get rid of freckles. I considered her gullible, but in most cases, a person capable of intelligent conversation. It's okay to be taken in by a captivating story or to believe in something because you really want it to be true, it's another thing to do... that.
SteelSoul5 9
Another messed up crazy person
Symantha23 25
I think I would puke. Hopefully she at least gives up soon if it doesn’t ever work! Haha plus who cares if you have hair or not!