Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML
Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML
Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some Midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML
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Top comments
TheEpicKitten 20
That makes me legitimate sick. You should probably have a doctor explain to her that it doesn't work that way
Tripartita 45
"So, how'd you get into the hair growth business?" "Haha, funny story, actually. I'd just been ejected from somebody's uterus through their ******, and they were like, 'I gotta put this shit on my husband's head,' so I decided, like, when life gives you lemons… you know?"
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Comments (37)
TheEpicKitten 20
That makes me legitimate sick. You should probably have a doctor explain to her that it doesn't work that way
gobiteme2 34
Hopefully she doesn't try that for a mustache.
RichardPencil 32
Get her pregnant. Problem solved, temporarily.
Tarlachia 33
So she can then bathe the baby's head in her menstrual blood? No thanks.
RichardPencil 32
By the time she has a period after the birth, the baby will likely have started growing some hair.
carinamenina 0
Moms actually bleed for 3-4 weeks straight after giving birth, so there would be plenty of blood available to spread all over that newborn baby's bald head.
RichardPencil 32
It’s a different kind of blood, presumably without magical power.
Glowworm56 27
I think this is the weirdest "home remedy" for hair growth that I've ever read.
exileonmainst 16
Everyone knows that period blood curing baldness is just a myth. Eating placenta however works wonders!
A-Cakes 4
It's...sad that I have to really question whether you're being sarcastic.
hbhansen1992 2
Eating the placenta is actually something people do
Tripartita 45
"So, how'd you get into the hair growth business?" "Haha, funny story, actually. I'd just been ejected from somebody's uterus through their ******, and they were like, 'I gotta put this shit on my husband's head,' so I decided, like, when life gives you lemons… you know?"
bobsanction 18
That's nasty.
KittyMack 13
There are several layers of a-hole here. For one, putting anything on someone against their will is wrong. I suppose technically even illegal (assault). Secondly, any kind of discharge is gross and should be kept to oneself. Thirdly, she's implying that baldness is a problem. A problem serious enough that the slight chance of changing it is worth committing assault. She's basically telling the poor guy she finds him hideous! Baldness is perfectly natural and not at all ugly. Look at Captain Picard- yum!! Or the dad on That 70's Show- totally doable. This couple doesn't need a baldness cure for the husband, they need a shrink for the wife.
CSSDimian 6
The dad on that 70s show Lmao. That's the best you could do?
ARISKomuniszt 24
Magic blood, maybe...
Lobby_Bee 18
If it can grow a baby, you can damn well bet it can do a couple strands of hair.
Chinaski76 15
Menstrual blood is kind of the opposite of growing a baby…