Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nicesprites 4
are you sure he was your boyfriend?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Lol try rubbing something else next time(; or kick it...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (119)
Mrs_Nevermind 0
Is your boyfriend seriously daft? If mine called me a 'creep', I would be saying 'excuse me, what did you just call me?' Then I would be calling him an idiot and ignoring HIM for the rest of the day. At least my husband is smart enough to recognize a romantic gesture... And not to call me names. -_-
Jizwold 0
hmm u kinda seem like a bitch
B1ACKR3IGN 3
the man has a point she does seem like a bitch. and expecting it is wrong. yes showing respect is the right thing to do but because you love the person not because it's something expected
starile 20
She only barely insinuated signs of bitchiness as a response to being disrespected. I agree that partners should expect *and* show respect to one another. Don't be with someone you can't respect or you'll end up treating them like trash.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Expecting respect is wrong? That might be the dumbest thing I've seen on here in a while and that is saying something. If you don't respect someone, you don't love him/her full stop. It isn't wrong to believe your significant other should respect you. If you don't expect at least that, something is very wrong.
Kinky_minx 0
I agree with her that's exactly what I was gonna say!
YourOpinionSucks 22
Clearly she doesn't know her man well enough if she thought a neck massage would turn him on. Seriously the majority of men do not care for romance. We do it for women, the ones who do care for it. So yes, it could seem creepy if it was out of the blue. Personally I would have suggested a dick massage instead, like foreplay? I don't want to play, what for? (You see what I did there?)
PSQ91 6
Damn I'd love one right now!
freakybella 0
Maybe she did it wrong? Im not exactly sure how you rub a neck wrong but its a possibility.
lil_ham1644 29
Tightly and with both hands
THEmuffinpan 0
Obviously you should learn to recognize personal space. And understand that people don't like being choked from behind. I think it's time to find someone who enjoys the feeling of losing oxygen, and you'll have better luck!
foreveryoung97_fml 2
**** yuh
starile 20
I hear autoerotic asphyxiation is pretty popular.
wombledn 0
he's looking for a **** to his face. ****** scares him
patridge 0
(attention) posible **** alert please remain calm this is not a drill cover your asses and locate the nearest exit and leave in an orderly fashin thank you
ooooooooooooh 4
'fashion' not 'fashin'
DocBastard 40
Wow, someone got moderated for misspelling "fashion?" The Grammar Nazis are out of control!!
ScaryGirl 4
LOL Grammar Nazis FTW!! :D
cupcakemonster10_fml 0
maybe he wasn't in the mood....?
babbiebee 0
I love the whole cupcakemonster thing haha and your pic:D
kayvan 8
guys are always in the mood. Gay for sure.
MasteredBastard 16
Try moving out of Iowa. I, for one, would love a neck massage. Mine's so tense I can't even adjust it anymore unless I'm drunk.
you_freak 7
Sounds like one of those relationships where you're the only one that thinks it's a relationship
Grand_Cookie 21
was it a massage or an attempted strangling?