Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML
Today, I visited a friend at work with a couple of other friends. We like to play pranks, so we went to his register and started loudly discussing our masturbation habits as a joke. Some bitch complained, and his boss fired him and kicked us all out. FML
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
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Top comments
FlamingJazkinz 15
Take it off and smack them.
mattzawesome 28
That's unbelievable, using a tragedy against someone and conflating them with a crime.
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Comments (119)
eliiteXXXninja 21
I wonder what part of New Jersey it is.
sammiixoxo 12
Stick the leg into their mouths!
fabcade 14
report them to HR what they are doing is illegal
orsombre_fml 11
Report them to HR.
orsombre_fml 11
Report them ASAP to HR. That guy is creating a rumor against you. You might be accused of making death threats against your co-workers. I am sorry for you OP. Be brave, work hard and don't take their sh.t.
Dexter83_fml 17
It amazes me looking at the number of people that have pressed the you deserve it button. What's wrong you !
lissabobissa 18
Disrespectful as ****. I'm so sorry OP, hope things get better :(
chuchusheep 19
that is really rude and they're obviously immature. i'm sorry you have to deal with that. i would report them if i were you.
fotomiep 7
Get evidence (record it), go to HR and take it from there. That being said, you're the lucky one. I'd rather miss a leg than a brain, which seems to be their problem
blackonblight 33
Depending on state laws you may not be able to legally record someone without their consent. Check before you do that.
pete9913 23
I would think that's expected from good friends you've known for a long time, but not new co-workers. I'm surprised your supervisor lets it happen. sounds like a harassment suit waiting to happen.