Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, my six year-old son asked me, "Dad, what's a glory hole?" FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML
Today, I told my 15 year-old son that I was taking my wife to a fancy restaurant for her birthday, so he would be on his own tonight. Most teenagers would play video games, watch porn, and sneak a beer, which I would be okay with. He started crying and asked why he was "left out", then clung to my wife's leg. FML
Today, my 10-year-old son told me that sometimes he wishes that he could be a girl, so that he could masturbate more easily in public. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
domking1315 20
Man knows what he wants
cyanidesandwich 21
All I want for my birthday are big booty hoes...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (135)
domking1315 20
Man knows what he wants
SarahSehhati 40
He wants what he can't get :)
riffehunter 16
all he's gonna get is a mouthful of soap.
MrSassypants 34
Men don't say they want a *****. Boys say that.... That being said, I also want a *****.
Nymeria_fml 25
Would an attention ***** suffice?
drivingmissdaisy 13
Well you raised him...or didn't which could also be the problem..
Shiny_nickels 14
He is confident I will give him that and very blunt mentally and with his words
chrisstachon 30
words right out of my mouth
zoeconner 11
Thank you kind person for being an excellent first comment. Some are just terrible and should have never commented at all.
James_is_Mexican 25
That's a 12 year old MAN lol
tashb 17
He looks up to his elders... Therefor, what have you been teaching him? Or what has his father been teaching him?
LocsOn 13
like father like son
cyanidesandwich 21
All I want for my birthday are big booty hoes...
sayyestothedress 24
What OP should do is tell him to **** off cuz he's not getting a *****!!
sayyestothedress 24
Why would a 12 year-old boy want a *****!! Bad parenting!
lil_ham1644 29
*is a big booty hoe* I only know this because my bf sang it the whole week before his birthday
thexguyxnextdoor 10
He's got his priorities straight.
interesting33 37
This sounds awful. If it was a girl saying she wanted sex, we'd be all concerned. We shouldn't be saying it is a good thing.
ChristianH39 30
I think it's safe to assume 3 was joking.
Cookiee04 15
they grow up so fast
vikky538 29
no their thoughts grew fast...
websraaa 6
I would've had one at 4
Just_A_Tree 20
@18 Actually, their hormones make them want things, and their physical bodies grow relatively fast. Their minds and cognitive processes grow rather slow. Cognitive processing isn't full developed until about 21, which is why the drinking age is 21 in the United States. By the age of 12-13, we are physically ready to have sex and our bodies want to. But we are not capable of mentally thinking about, recognizing and understanding the consequences of sex.
DavidKnows 11
Wow #112. That was really well thought out, and expressed intelligently.
Wingman527 22
Maybe he's just really good at keeping a straight face? If not, that boy gets no birthday money!
Roskosity 22
Or if he does get birthday money, give it to him in ones.
hk1998 8
Or birthday booty
Brandi_Faith 34
I agree with 5. It sounds to me like he was completely joking and trying to get a reaction from his mom (judging by the serious face, looking them in the eyes). In that case it's pretty funny and your kid has a funny sense of humour. My brothers and I always loved saying stuff like this to get a response from my parents, after which we would burst out laughing and tell them we're joking. We still say stuff just to freak out our parents. If he's serious (which I doubt) then you have a big problem and need to have a serious talk.
alanamarieg 18
The boy wants what he can't have.
kyu_Q 19
you can always try. never know OP might get high one night and grant him his wish
killer0689 20
even I can't have that :p
pjsr 33
Except #13, that would be child sexual abuse
RecklessLove 18
Also, for the ***** it would be statutory rape.
kyu_Q 19
What movies has he been watching?
russfml 31
I'm gonna take a guess and say that grandpa movie with Johnny Knoxville lol
liloldme76 14
That's cute, but I think it might be worth your time talking to him. He may have been joking, but he also may be feeling very worthless and could use some parental insight.
cjwayy 22
Oh yeah, that's super cute.
garrett_8614 14
Not sure how you would assume that he feels worthless. He said he wanted a *****, not that he wanted to be a *****.
S1deWinder 7
Kids got his priorities straight!
lexiieeex3 32
No.
EternalRest 5
How did this get thumbed down when #3 got thumbed up?
whensatanstrikes 12
#64 because he copied #3.
Pstraka6 20
Tell him to be reasonable and respect a woman, otherwise no '*****' is going to even want to be with him when he gets older. So young...
Brandi_Faith 34
So true. No woman wants to be with a man that disrespects women and treats them like crap or an object. The better they treat a woman the better the woman treats them.
myoukei 31
@114 i love how your post turned from a reasonable thought to a ridiculous double standard....