Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML
Today, I visited a friend at work with a couple of other friends. We like to play pranks, so we went to his register and started loudly discussing our masturbation habits as a joke. Some bitch complained, and his boss fired him and kicked us all out. FML
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
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Top comments
FlamingJazkinz 15
Take it off and smack them.
mattzawesome 28
That's unbelievable, using a tragedy against someone and conflating them with a crime.
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Comments (119)
B1ackFr1day 10
the 1293 people that said you deserve this. WTF.
thenielsens 12
There should be a law that would legalize death to people who stoop to that kind of low doucheness! Don't worry karma is a mother
B6LLT 14
invest in an air rifle, that'll shut 'em up next time you're in
ArcheryArtist 20
I can't even believe people like that actually exist. I would have taken my prosthetic let off and beaten him with it
musicfreak1646 14
Wow, what asswipes. How disrespectful. It pisses me off. They shouldn't even be allowed to work there.
boats75 4
Make an HR complaint and be sure to use the words "hostile work environment " and "Americans with Disabilities Act" "Equal Opportunity "
Dine1982 2
OP gets out of jail on the 21st Aug, remind them of that. Nevermind a**holes get on with your life...
kishmobile444 16
Can't you get them into trouble through the company? Harassment of some kind ... or something? this is really low. really shows how low class they are.
tristent 7
I don't get it. Shoot through the bathroom door???
xloverin 14
Google Oscar Pistorius..
MissDramaQueen 18
I would have smacked him and taught him some dang manners!! I hate people like that!!