Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
satanic_fml 13
or a heater
infamous1212 10
Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
alphabitch 2
What the hell is wrong with that? Your dog gives you unconditional love; a girlfriend won't.
mahdi8130 8
Or get a ******* blanket.
80skid 15
There's this magical invention called a blanket. Seriously, people like you who only want a girlfriend/boyfriend when it's cold out are incredibly annoying.
rebelliousshroom 12
Haha, have you met many of those? "Damn you, you just want me for my body heat!" ...
outoftown 27
More blankets/pjs/comforters, or you're in for a three dog night soon. PS: Girlfriends can steal blankets; you have to check them out for that BEFORE it gets this cold.
Ray_of_midnight 23
because after all, One Is the Loneliest Number. :-)
Britt125 16
Ever heard of blankets, warm pajama's (such as flannel), heaters, a mix of all (or just blankets and warm pajamas, heaters can be costly if that's an issue)
rebelliousshroom 12
Dude! In that situation I would feel really thankful that I had a dog, and then buy a warmer blanket the next day; not whine over the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. YDI for purposely looking at the downside.
Dude9106 2
Geez get some more ******* blankets...unless that turns u on sicko
someguy314159265 15
I've never had a girlfriend, I live in Canada, and I manage to stay warm during the night. If I can do it, so can you, my friend.
retrorewind 13
when your "spooning" your dog, do you do a reach around as well? cause most girl friends like that.
183933 6
Funny how everyone is giving you ways to stay single. Makes one wonder if they all wish they were. I know I am tonight!