Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML
Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML
Today, I managed to lock myself out of my house again. My only option was crawling through the dog door. I managed it once before, but I must've put on weight because this time I got stuck halfway. My neighbour came over to “see if everything was OK.” He then helped push me through. FML
Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10°C out. FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML
Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML
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Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
I'm more concerned that the dog was kept outside if it was truly cold enough to freeze to death ...
bluejello2001 18
I'm guessing you'll be hiding a spare key from now on? I'll never understand why people don't have a key they can access "just in case." My family used to keep one in the shed, in a toolbox. Hidden, but easy to get to if needed. And if it's that freaking cold, maybe take your dog inside too, yeah?
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Comments (37)
Lobby_Bee 18
Uhh, why didn't you just call your wife? If you didn't have your phone with you, couldn't you just go to the nearest diner and wait there with a warm cup of coffee?
A Frenchy in Eire 31
Could it be because he usually doesn't run with his phone and wallet?
Glowworm56 27
I hope it was a big fluffy dog!
limegreenpoopie 31
That’s kinda cute ;3
RichardPencil 32
Looks like someone’s in the doghouse now. This time, figuratively.
ajh1800 25
I don't think you know what "figuratively" means...
RichardPencil 32
I do. He was literally in the doghouse when his wife found him there, now he’s figuratively in the doghouse with her. Nice try, Professor.
ajh1800 25
Why would his wife be mad at him for accidentally locking himself out of his house and almost freezing to death?
almost_there44 26
Figuratively means metaphorically; a figure of speech. Literally means it actually happened. Literally is the word you were actually looking for, Richie. Don't get snappy because you were wrong.
RichardPencil 32
Doos, did you read my reply? I clearly know the difference between literally and figuratively. I'm suggesting that both occurred here.
Isa Frostborn 2
He very clearly means that he was in the doghouse literally (to keep warm) and is now in the doghouse figuratively (in trouble with his wife). Don't be condescending if you're too dumb to use your reading comprehension.
Tripartita 45
That has to be the lowest budget remake of that scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke cuts open a tauntaun to keep from freezing.
ragnarok1540 39
Wasn't it Han Solo who cut open the TaunTaun to put Luke inside?
simcityguy09 19
Yeah
Kurliez408 32
Couldn't you stay at a neighbor's place or go to a nearby mall?
bluejello2001 18
I'm guessing you'll be hiding a spare key from now on? I'll never understand why people don't have a key they can access "just in case." My family used to keep one in the shed, in a toolbox. Hidden, but easy to get to if needed. And if it's that freaking cold, maybe take your dog inside too, yeah?
kevinsagirl2323 8
You dont have a car you could have gotten into?
raven_of_azarath 35
If they didn’t have a house key, why would they have a car key?
ragnarok1540 39
I'm more concerned that the dog was kept outside if it was truly cold enough to freeze to death ...
GhostFox 34
If it's cold to you, it's cold to your dog, unless they are specifically a cold weather breed. And even then that doesn't mean you should leave them out in the cold.
Cali 57
A lot of doghouses in colder climates have heat lamps inside.
GhostFox 34
That's not exactly outside anymore. And even then, the same places that do that are the ones where a heat lamp may as well be a match if the weather is bad.