Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
or a heater
infamous1212 10
Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?
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Comments (110)
loti18 8
...or get a blanket?
msCherry973 2
Yuk
Warmonger_Smurf 29
I commented before, but this just came to me. Have you ever had women in bed for the night?!?!? They turn into ice! I'm the revers of you, I get too hot. When my wife snuggles with me, she cools me off. So when you get a girlfriend I strongly recommend an electric blanket
Nighthunter 11
There's a fine line between spooning and sodomie !
blackpuddle 30
Get more blankets. I use between four and eight depending on how cold it is.
charvisioku 22
I see no problem with spooning your dog; they're like living, farting teddy bears.
titibug823 11
Use more blankets. OR, there are these things called pajamas that come in flannel. You could try some of those
skyeyez9 25
If you do find a gf and she is one of those "You need to get rid of your dog, or I will leave" Dump her ass! Don't let anybody put you in an ultimatum position like that.
PunkBabe30 4
I dont spoon with my dog. I just have him lay on my legs. 70 pounds of pure warmth :3
KaiserSD 8
Forget the girlfriend, the dog will be more loyal, and FAR less hassle.