Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
satanic_fml 13
or a heater
infamous1212 10
Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
Kitsune96 8
Or buy a blanket, you wiener. Women aren't just a heat source to be used when necessary.
b52man 6
My dog tries to spoon with me sometimes even when it's hot outside
imyourpoison 10
wtf dood
kimise 21
As far as I know, you don't get a girlfriend to keep you warm, you get a girlfriend BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HER
vegantreegirl 26
Stick with the dog. Dogs are better than people.
FweakofCydonia 40
Buy thicker blankets? More blankets? Wear another sweater to bed?
plzdontbestupid 3
it's california.... you're cold?