Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
or a heater
infamous1212 10
Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?
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Comments (110)
satanic_fml 13
or a heater
motherlovahh 7
Spoon the heater, sounds comfortable!
Inheritance 10
Till it fries your dick off. And you spoon with your dog? Da ****..
priceyfml 7
Wtf is your picture of @1
TheFuckerofShit 16
58, it's an album cover of a great Thrash Metal record, like mine.
KiwiExchange 16
Or just get yourself a sweater.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
I love snuggling with my dog; it's one of the best feelings ever!
Ugi 27
You snuggle your dog and are married to a llama? What species are you?
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Also wondering that she says she's married, but her profile says Miss. not Mrs.
TheMathMajor 26
It always bothered me that the titles used for women tell you about their marital status, but for men it doesn't, as if women always have to be defined by their partner or lack of partner. That also goes for the unwritten rule that the woman has to change her name when she gets married to signify her changing from her father's family to her husband's. It's a really archaic idea that women always have to be defined by their relationships with men. Sorry for the fem-rant, I'll stop now.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Mrs. wasn't an option, that's why it says Miss ;-) Yes, I love snuggling with my lab and I married a llama on September 29th. I see no problem here ;-)
Ugi 27
Whatever works for you!
thrAsHeRr9081 16
I met my husband on CoD 4, and his gamer tag is SketchyLlama, hence the nickname. :-)
Ugi 27
Hey, I'm named after a four component condensation reaction - I'm throwing no stones here!
pokewolfey 6
You married a guy you met on Xbox?
iliketurdles 7
Lots of people do, bro. Don't judge.
Posthuman 26
47, you don't have to change your name when you get married. You can keep your maiden name, or combine both like this "maiden name-husband's surname"
infamous1212 10
Is it really that cold in California or are you just looking for an excuse to spoon your dog?
citymayer 7
Depends on where he's from. I feel like he's just a weenie that can't handle the cold though.
skyeyez9 25
I have relatives who live in Okinawa. Their "winter" is around 50-55 deg and they think that is cold. They will have the heavy blankets and heaters on. Its on the same latitude as the Bahamas (hot and extremely humid). On the other hand, they are used to the heat there and barely break a sweat, while me when I visit am sweating nonstop and miserable.
infamous1212 10
I guess I'm kind of bias cause I'm Canadian. ;) He's a weenie.
skyeyez9 25
I have friends in canada who live in manitoba on 350 acres. They often get snowed in for weeks at a time. That would drive me crazy.
infamous1212 10
I'm from Manitoba as well, last year was the only mild winter I can remember. It was still -30 degrees Celsius every now and again. I guess if you're from a warmer climate you don't adjust well. Then again we can have a 90 to 100 degree difference between winter and summer.
skyeyez9 25
I email them fairly often. They said it does get pretty hot at times, but winters are brutal. We get bad winters here in CO, but not that bad! I enjoy winters to go skiing, but not to the point the cold will give you frostbite if your skin is exposed for more than 2 minutes type of cold!
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Norther Cal is in the Sierra Nevada mount range, it gets cold. Less then an hour of diving (in Oregon same mountain range) I can go from 1000 ft to the 17000 ft sky resort. I've had my lifted suburban up to the headlights in snow before.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Edit 7000 ft not 17000 ft
bfsd42 20
I live in San Diego, and though yesterday was the coldest day of the year so far, I still wore shorts and a tshirt all day.
onlychildFTW 34
California doesn't get that cold.
miyaviichan 27
I've always wanted to visit Okinawa, skyeyez9. But I guess I should go in the winter, when I'm not sweating like a mexican.
jasdanu 12
In sacramento it just hit cold overnight
happle 21
If OP lives in the Santa Cruz area, it's always 50-60 degrees F. And foggy.
ecascio2010 9
You do know there is a Northern California whee it snows right? May want to check your geography.
medenbm 8
I live in wisconsin and its not even that cold yet...
KiddNYC1O 22
He's probably like everybody else. Any small temperature drop and they're wearing Eskimo gear. Am I the only one with warm-ass blood?!
Voldy_fml 16
Hey, dogs are awesome!
ryggsekk 8
buy thicker. (the F it's called) "blanket" is the only things that comes to my mind. winter "blanket"
RoNsAuR 2
Duvet?
damn_homie 2
Comforter?
imavelociraptor 6
Quilt?
BellaBelle_fml 23
Bed spread?
RedPillSucks 33
It's when your dog spoons you back, that you should become really worried.
JustTemporary 24
Sesshomaru. Nice.
emeraldisle 30
Or you could turn the heater on and use more blankets. That works just as well.
skyeyez9 25
They are the best for snuggles. One of my dogs recently passed away and I'd give anything to hug him again! Enjoy your dog's company, cause one day they will be gone and it will rip your heart out when they pass. No matter how prepared you think you are for that day. :(
TheMathMajor 26
My dog passed away on Christmas day last year, now that December is coming up, I'm thinking about her a lot :( I wish I could hug her again too, she was a good dog.
deegeebee 10
Aww, I know the feeling. But just think of how many wonderful years of friendship you had! Nobody can take those beautiful memories away from you :) don't remember them for when they died, but for when they lived. Hang in there
Jiinxx 8
I think it's about time you invested in a snuggie.
loserman67 36
A little bit of peanut butter applied to the right place and you'll be in heaven.
loserman67 36
And before the onslaught of comments, NO, I have never done this, I do not even own a dog. Unfortunately, my son's former college roommate got caught several times with their friends dog and a jar of peanut butter. They broke him of the habit by getting him kicked out of the house.
deegeebee 10
uhh, TMI. moving on now...