Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML
Today, while making out, my clean-shaven husband pulled away because he could feel my lip hairs tickling him. I thought he was making a joke so I called him a tosser and walked away. Later I checked in the mirror and there they were, two black hairs swinging in the breeze right under my nose. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So, he was wanking it and then decided to shove that hand in your popcorn? Yep, time to urinate on his toothbrush... Daily.
TheDrifter 24
Free tooth floss? What a kind person.
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Comments (71)
mealsonwheels 12
Oh, that's nasty
IworkAt711 14
Now Im imagining his dick is like an elephant trunk that he picks things up with.
TM24D 15
No amount of tooth-brushing can fix that. Sorry you had to go through that.
posie97 18
That's why I protect my popcorn!!! They need to get their own goddamn bag
SyntheticSmile 5
Wow, I would have puked...
KipHackman 3
you should have put your popcorn in a boring potato chip bag
Ki11erC 18
Your assume it was from them... Could of been there before or even from you.
w_introuble 25
Next time he's around be all nice and offer to make him some food, a sandwich or anything and just put something "special" as the secret ingredient ;) fyl op!
Goblin182 27
I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
graceinsheepwear 34
At least you swallowed. Eww.
lwonderful 11
EWWWWW NO