Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML
Today, while making out, my clean-shaven husband pulled away because he could feel my lip hairs tickling him. I thought he was making a joke so I called him a tosser and walked away. Later I checked in the mirror and there they were, two black hairs swinging in the breeze right under my nose. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So, he was wanking it and then decided to shove that hand in your popcorn? Yep, time to urinate on his toothbrush... Daily.
TheDrifter 24
Free tooth floss? What a kind person.
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Comments (71)
olpally 33
Go shave his head in his sleep.
Enslaved 38
While you're at it, get his pubes too! :P
xcam1995 6
No #38, I think one pube to the mouth is enough for one day.
imtooshy 18
As I read this, I was eating peanuts and just about threw up in my own mouth. I'm so grossed out for you OP!
Baytheshark 14
Are you sure it was your mouth?
imtooshy 18
Yes, I'm totally sure!
goth_pixie 15
Gross.
red225 14
Guess you noticed after the popcorn seemed a little more salty
buddy51 23
This sounds like a pretty hairy FML! Your roommate's friend definitely had you by the short and curlys! I guess he felt he needed to give you something nice in return for his grabbed handful of your corn! I'm thinking you can't be completely sure there wasn't some of his seed included in the swap for yours!
Baytheshark 14
Yes. Because pubes and flakes of seasoning are so eerily similar. Completely. Thank The Lord, someone else sees it.
love_rose18 9
Not kosher...
arsenicalhumor 30
I think he'd be skilled if he could grab popcorn with his dick, really ******* gross.. But that would be skilled.
soupermeal 10
Well who doesn't want extra flavor?
awkwardloveannie 28
now you know he doesn't have a girlfriend and what he does in his spare time