Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML
Today, while making out, my clean-shaven husband pulled away because he could feel my lip hairs tickling him. I thought he was making a joke so I called him a tosser and walked away. Later I checked in the mirror and there they were, two black hairs swinging in the breeze right under my nose. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dalink 24
So, he was wanking it and then decided to shove that hand in your popcorn? Yep, time to urinate on his toothbrush... Daily.
TheDrifter 24
Free tooth floss? What a kind person.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
thebomb553 5
Damn, people we got a wanking-popcorn snatcher!!!! That's ******* disgusting OP.
AustinDenton 22
Dude that is disgusting!! A total jerk move on your friends part. My gosh that is really nasty!
perdix 31
Your roommate needs to shave that shit! No one has read this that the friend got the pube on his hand from fingering the OP's roommate. If I'm right, let's not talk about the popcorn's buttery flavor, OK?
Fuji76 15
I did, but I got thumbed down for using my brain Perdix.
buckdharma 38
Could it have been a Orville Redenbacher?
worldclassrager 41
I don't want to know what that hand was up to before hand...no pun intended...
pinguino3669_fml 23
You should've thrown popcorn at him while he was leaving.
hcollins1 18
Well, I don't know what your dick looks like, but I'm pretty positive they do not look like hands. And if he had stuck his dick in her popcorn, she wouldn't have continued to eat it.
Zebediabolical 45
I find it funny that someone gets annoyed over someone snatching a handful of popcorn in the first place. It's popcorn.
ironichalibut 24
Reminds me of the "waiting" movies, "now time for some garlic powder*
jecka 9
Omg that's really gross!