Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Self own + Karma
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Ragebait
Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML
Family matters
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
Whatthefuckaburger
Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
Top comments
juturnaamo 29
She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.
Shamandalie89 32
Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (178)
juliawolak 8
Who the hell is Lorena Bobbit??
Shamandalie89 32
Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.
davidpropert 32
The real question is why OP's wife knows who this Bobbit lady is
Smooth_Criminal 24
Who doesn't know who Lorena Bobbitt is?
chinaski7628 32
The whole Bobbit situation was big news 20 years ago-- I'd expect a lot of people who were alive then remember her.
Rallred32 20
29 - The OP of this comment
dramaelf 37
Lorena Bobbitt cut it off because he sexually and physically abused her. A bit extreme, but you can't say he didn't deserve it.
SystemofaBlink41 27
A bit??
juturnaamo 29
She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.
Som3Rand0mGam3r 9
first: nice pun second: good riddance third: lol
Xquisite1 28
#65 She's not dead.
caleb_ohs 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If a guy cut a woman's boobs off because she cheated on him he would get so much shit for it. The same thing happened recently and the women on the talk show the view laughed about it. But they would be serious if a guy physically harmed a woman. Double standards.
yeti37 16
Some snippy woman....
DropTheDaggerxx 31
@76, Are you resenting the fact that it's not okay for a man to cut a woman's breasts off? Like for real? You want people not to be upset about that? Nobody's saying it's okay for a woman to cut off a man's penis. It doesn't sound like you're complaining so much about a double standard as you are whining about not being able to be openly misogynistic.
joselgarciac 9
look it up!
lixarodriguez 7
if a guy cuts off a woman's breasts I asure you she won't be the only one after you... men care about that also js
foxwasalamb 24
lorena bobbitt has a daughter, so to the commenter who said "good riddance" to her death, thats ****** up man. if she is dead, now that little 8 yr old girl is motherless
annarcheer 19
#76 they said she cut it off because he raped her and she called 911 later because she realized what she had done.
Bigfabthetruth52 22
@#81,I'm sure that#76 simply resents the fact that people wouldn't care as much about a man basically being mutilated and humiliated by his female partner as they would if it were the other way around.
samantha236le 17
76: your bio is ironic
gintwinsmoore 20
Me too...I was there, but not literally. lol this is a young crowd if you don't know about Mrs. Bobbit! And her husband was very abusive to her and I think she cut him off because he was raping her as well if my memory serves me correctly.
Lizardgirl 7
I just did some research. Lorena Bobbit endured years of abuse from her husband, John Wayne Bobbitt. On the night in question he went out, got drunk, and sexually assaulted her. She then waited until he was asleep, grabbed an 8 inch cooking knife, and chopped off his member. She then left him bleeding as she drove off and dumped his severed penis in a field. After the act she quickly realized what she had done and called 911. Doctors frantically searched the field for the penis and were able to reattach it after a 9 hour surgery. Mrs. Bobbit was aquitted due to reason of temporary insanity brought on by the abuse she suffered. Twenty years later Ms. Bobbit now has a longterm partner, a young daughter, and works to help aid various women's organizations.
Lizardgirl 7
Meanwhile Mr. Bobbit is doing well but took a different root as a male **** star. He claims that his penis is fine and that the incident actually improved his love life. Unfortunately he has lost several relationships due to accusations of physical abuse. I'm not going to inject my personal opinions into this matter, but I think some people really need to do their research before commenting
kpohil 13
see I read this and thought it was some **** star he looked up. never heard of her but I'm only 27. Thank you for explaining everyone
Ameel_fml 19
#76 Dude, there's a big difference between being cheated on and being physically assaulted and raped for years by the person who is supposed to love you to the point where you can no longer take it. Sure, they're both horrible to varying degrees. But I doubt most people would approve of a wife having her boobs cut off OR a man having his dick cut off off over mere cheating. I'm not saying what Bobitt did was right. But after years of abuse that took a major toll on her mental health, it's no wonder she reacted the way she did.
SkullsRules1 26
#76 Some people snap after years of abuse and shoot or try to kill their partners so they can escape... i think what she did wasn't to bad considering her situation.
iRambo 12
Or many on here who haven't been born yet.
joeblow6969 5
someone who was born before 2002
incoherentrmblr 22
I'd think instead of cutting off her boobs, her ******** would be more painful. It is essentially a woman's dick...
Xandrick 22
Okay, everyone, let us reverse the situation. Wife abuses husband for years, he suffers immensely, and one night he mutilates her ****** past the point of it being able to be pleasured, in her sleep. (But surgery can fix this later.) How does this make people feel? Are his actions justified? Does she deserve more hate than him?
IWishIWasObama 12
Good Lord, 87! Don't ever reproduce.
llalala_fml 19
76 and all his repliers. She cut his dick off after years of abuse and rape, of course I'm not condoning it, but she obviously snapped. Breasts are not a raping tool so that's not even a comparison. Not even her ********. 155 was the closest to a comparison and neither situation sounds more "right".
powhovian221b 13
I think in that case we would probably give him a bit more hate but not much because he was traumatized. Well in theory. A lot of people would just say he's a man, he isn't being abused
aubamas 20
nice pun! LMAO
MrNiceGuy569 18
Me...
Johnnycake23 42
Your love of Mr. peepee means you are Mr. paypay now
BlondePsycho 43
Congrats, she now knows you respond positively to threats on your dick.
joselgarciac 9
I too respond positively to dick threats
False_Stupidity 42
Sounds like the OP's balls are in his wife's purse, although not literally, yet...
stephenseiber1 22
Sounds like she has you whipped
SarcasticShade 16
Talk about hitting below the belt.
LowExpectations 30
Hitting would be the bright side to this. This woman is talking about chopping the whole thing off.
salamancer 11
First time I would call a girl a dick instead of a bitch.
Pleonasm 36
Never let her take you out to Chop Suey
Shamandalie89 32
Wow... Sorry, OP, but your wife's a bitch. I usually don't like those "Dump him/her" or "Divorce him/her" comments, but in this situation I think it's actually legit advice.
Kahli21 15
Agreed. What a spoiled brat for forcing you to blow a lot of money on food like that, and on top of that threatening you with something that extreme over it. She's immature and not ready for marriage or even a relationship, and it seems like she needs some counseling. Someone's got to tell this woman that it's not appropriate to do something like that.
Mauskau 36
I'd take her and tell her to remember her purse because she's paying for herself. :)
tigerisabelle 31
...divorce her for a stupid threat over an expensive meal? I mean, OP should definitely have a talk with her, and tell her that's not okay, but divorce is serious business, and that shouldn't be the first thing you jump to whenever you disagree in a marriage. Honestly, the way this was phrased sounds more like a joke than a legitimate threat.
PharmacyJoe 13
64, I'm pretty sure divorce is justified in an abusive relationship. If this is common for the OP, he should seriously consider it. If he knows she's joking, he should grow a pair and tell her no means no.
Shamandalie89 32
Whether it was a joke or not, she sounds like she has some serious attitude problems. I mean, demanding your spouse to take you to a place that's probably above their price range, and "snapping" and threatening when they refuse? Doesn't sound like a healthy marriage. At least they should attend couple therapy or something.
yerawizardlizzy 27
64, I don't know about you, but I don't typically get "snappy" when I'm joking. That's reserved for when I give some serious attitude.
GunSlinger69 19
64, threatening to castrate someone is NOT by any means funny. That is damn right grounds for divorce, what if this was a man threatening to chop off his wife`s breasts?
tigerisabelle 31
99, yes. I agree with all of you, that OP needs to talk to his wife and figure out the situation and if the time comes, to separate. But honestly, don't jump straight to divorce! Threats are one thing, actions are another: if he feels legitimate danger, then yes, please, get therapy for both of them. Maybe it's just me, but people seem to get divorced over the quickest things today, try to work it out first and then get divorced if you can't. Don't separate and then regret it!
anthony99 14
I'm pretty sure OP would regret it if his wife separated him from his penis
FemskyD 26
Under The thumb ;')
MidnaLink 35
I just did. She's an abusive bitch and you don't need that with you.