Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
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Top comments
juturnaamo 29
She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.
Shamandalie89 32
Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.
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Comments (178)
kalbrek009 20
Does anyone else recall that John Wayne Bobbit (the husband) became super famous afterwards for having reconstructive surgery to restore his penis & then became a **** star though? Lol
shfs2010 4
Seems like debt is going to be piling up. Good luck buddy.
EvilLittleMan 23
Do you hear what I hear? The cracking of a whip.
GunSlinger69 19
Nope, I hear a fellow man in danger and a psycho wife who is threatening to castrate him, thanks.
Saraishi 25
Look up divorce lawyers instead. She's abusive and money-hungry.
afallingstar 22
Should have made the next search for some mental help for her...if she's going to threaten your man hood over something as trivial as that she has issues.
blackvyper 8
You should tell your wife that John Wayne Bobbitt went on to become a pornstar after that.
cfett199 8
Honestly OP, I would have called her bluff. I would have recorded the ensuing conversation, then made a show of calling the police because thats borderline domestic violence (actual if she were to attempt, god forbid succeed in mutilating you). Head that shit off at the pass OP, she needs to learn that threatening to mutilate you, or any threat at all, is not an appropriate method of getting what she wants.
Flashman9000 9
If she's threatening to hurt you then you need to leave.
TheQuietComposer 3
Hey, OP, that is seriously abusive behavior. Has your wife threatened you or harmed you before? You might want to see a counselor, and if there's a pattern of abuse in your relationship, get out! It's not worth staying with someone who controls you with cruelty and fear. Take care of yourself!
Xandrick 22
Wow....just wow. That's a major violent threat, and not to be taken lightly. I'd get a restraining order for that. There are many times when "leave/divorce him/her" is rather hasty. But this time, you should definitely say, "Bye Felicia."