Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
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Top comments
juturnaamo 29
She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.
Shamandalie89 32
Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.
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Comments (178)
GunSlinger69 19
OP, these other FML posters and you may have thought it was a joke but that is not funny at all, that`s actually really f*cked up and the fact that she would even say something like that over you not wanting to pay ridiculous prices is insane. Have a serious talk or divorce, what ever is better OP good luck!
That_Ginger 18
He didn't think it was a joke if he took her because of what she said. So, he would have had to think she would seriously cut off his friend.
GunSlinger69 19
You`re right, I feel bad for OP.
Smooth_Criminal 24
Next time tell her to look up Derek Medina or Drew Peterson, Mark Jensen.
lexiieeex3 32
Now THAT'S ****** up.
GunSlinger69 19
I agree, but both truly are. Why would his wife threaten to castrate him over that, shes a bitch.
Exodiafinder687 58
Tell her that if she ever even tries to go Lorena Bobbitt you'll go Chris Brown. She'll need more than an umberella ella ella to keep her safe.
lexiieeex3 32
That's not funny at all. How dare you condone domestic violence.
Apersonishere 5
"I think its hilarious what do you think about that?" -George Carlin
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Like her joke was much better?
brandoneyez1 25
Does she not compromise?
lovely_mess3 15
Compromising is key to a happy marriage. :)
SkullsRules1 26
Maybe next time he should suggest a slightly less expensive restaurant or explain that they can't afford it at the moment... We don't know the back story though, maybe he said they could go previously when she'd asked and changed his mind now. But i agree, compromising is the key to marriage
Econforthwin 15
Maybe you should look up how to grow some balls.
GunSlinger69 19
Maybe you should stop being a sexist jackass. Its not always easy for men to get away from abusive women.
Pleonasm 36
How do you want him to grow them when she's got her rusty knife ready to hack them off?
khaoticpanda 28
I agree. OP is the only one who really knows whether or not she was kidding, but if she wasnt he really doesnt have to take that and shouldnt be bullied into spending money.
FMLusername969 21
CLEARLY you are not married...
henrylikestreats 22
Maybe you should invest in a psychiatrist or therapist instead of an expensive dinner. At least that option will be beneficial to both of you.
LifeAndLemons95 20
I cannot agree more with this. I am still utterly freaked out that someone would actually reply that way! If anything, you could have gone to another restaurant that wouldn't make you feel like you had a hole in your wallet. Sorry OP, but if that sounded real enough for you to actually do as she said, you should really seek some help. At least for her if anything. Man, I cannot believe that someone can be so spoiled.
YepThatsMeee 23
"Spoiled" is not the right term. A woman who thinks of Lorena Bobbitt because her husband says they can't afford some unnecessary luxury, is clearly psychotic. I would never be able to go to sleep beside her again.
LifeAndLemons95 20
I agree to the use of that word, too. One does not rule out the other, you know? It was more of me being shocked that someone can want something so much that they'll be outright psychotic about it. I find it to be really disturbing and scary to hint to something so awful and threaten your partner like that, and I understand full well if OP has trouble with trusting his wife ever again after that comment. If it had the potential to scare OP into doing it, it was clearly not meant as a joke.
YepThatsMeee 23
Of course she is spoiled, I'm not disagreeing with you. I just think this goes so far beyond that, on so many levels: 1 - that the thought would even enter her mind in that situation, 2 - that she actually said it out loud, 3 - that he took it seriously enough to give her what she wanted, 4 - that he's still with her.
GunSlinger69 19
Also OP, not only is she ****** up for saying that, but also forcing you to pay. If she wants to go somewhere, why doesn`t she pay?
kerstileann 26
Because his wife is too much of a spoiled bitch to be fair and nice.
YepThatsMeee 23
#21 If they had a decent marriage that shouldn't even matter. They share a common economy.
henrylikestreats 22
Not all "decent marriages" have a single shared bank account. Many couples prefer to keep their assets separate and for good reason. It isn't unhealthy, just like how it isn't unhealthy for couples to share their finances freely.
Jack_Me_Off_Jerk 5
what sucks is its just food. now she is pissed and youre broke. and she will still be unhappy
sstahpp 33
No dick or no money..easy decision.
dougfrank 12
you're a terrible person
SoullessSolace 12
Yikes! Enjoy your salad and the free bread OP!