Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML
Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML
Today, I’m trying to figure out how to spend Christmas with my wife and kids… and my girlfriend. I’m planning to divorce my wife in January, because doing it on Christmas would hurt them all, but I don’t want my girlfriend to know I’m married or else she’ll leave me. FML
Today, it's 49 days until Christmas, and all I can think of is how it’s mine and my partner's first Christmas together but she’ll be out of town. Apparently, she’d rather hang out with her whackjob family rather than my normal, stable family. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML
Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML
Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML
Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML
Today, one year after giving my girlfriend an ultimatum that if she aborted our baby, then I would leave, she had the baby… and then left it with me. Now I'm stuck as a single parent while she is out living the high life, wanting nothing to do with either of us. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Worst case, have a Jewish Christmas - a movie for lunch and Chinese takeout for dinner. Better than spending the rest of your life in a hostage situation.
Thaylok 17
Also, no sex. Don't put yourself in a situation where you could be trapped by a baby momma.
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Comments (4)
poopface82 25
Worst case, have a Jewish Christmas - a movie for lunch and Chinese takeout for dinner. Better than spending the rest of your life in a hostage situation.
JasonThorn 23
I deplore your situation but applaud your decision-making. "Give a mouse a cookie..."
Thaylok 17
Also, no sex. Don't put yourself in a situation where you could be trapped by a baby momma.
Hangryko 32
How long were you dating her?