Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML
Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
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Top comments
juturnaamo 29
She recently died in s car accident. Some dick cut her off.
Shamandalie89 32
Some crazy bitch who chopped off her husband's penis.
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Comments (178)
Zebediabolical 45
"Maybe you'd like to look up Chris Brown next?"
mt631 18
OP you need to have a serious talk with your wife and definitely consider counseling. If the genders were reversed OP would probably have a police report on his hands.
Tannasgh 22
Whipped!
cmac86 24
I can hear the whip cracking from here. Good luck, man!
mister_icicle 17
Have her get the table then ditch. There's plenty of time to pack your bags while she's walking home. :-D
tinyalmeida 11
Don't be afraid of her! She sounds like an awful person, maybe you should talk to her about this behavior. If chooses to continue acting like that, it may be worth looking into divorce. Living with somebody who threatens you to get what they want is a form of abuse!
Vegetarian27 24
Well, don't be stingy then. Christ, it's one ******* meal.
holydevil420 10
boooooooooooo
limabeans101029 21
One meal at some restaurants costs a hell of a lot of money, especially for two people. Not everyone can afford things like that.
EnchantingCurse 0
Why is everyone giving him shit? He's not "whipped" for wanting to make her happy, but she sure seems to be acting like a bitch.
holydevil420 10
Take her then leave...she never said you had to stay.
LyricaSilvan 30
For those who didn't look it up or don't know, Lorena Bobbit was a woman who cut off her abusive husband's junk and threw it out her car window as she drove away. So OP's wife was threatening to cut his dick off just for not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money on dinner. Because that's totally a rational reaction.