Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
am_bugg 20
Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.
ladoom 23
Who complains about getting a puppy?
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Comments (101)
adamjcurryy 19
Cat > Sex
SnowKitten 14
What does a cat have to do with this? Lol
dabomb0513 10
F cats. Just a lame fad
stolenballoon 5
I don't see the problem in this situation. YOU GOT A PUPPY!
feven 32
Wow that's pretty sad
itwontvalidate 18
what's the matter with you, a puppy is the best surprise ever
DewIchigo 17
I LOVE PUPPIES!
Neopopulas 9
Dude, you can have sex any time, but you can't always have a puppy.
Wakachulak 22
Not true. Animal shelters put out anytime, wives put out only when they feel like it.
allplayedout 20
Without even elaborating on the weird, rapey way you phrased that, have you ever tried adopting a shelter dog? It's about as easy as getting into Harvard.
albertozeta_fml 9
Ah, ok, I thought I was the only one!
paolino_fml 18
Sex with the new puppy??? Haha just kidding that's ******* ********** don't do it.
brand125 17
the ****
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why would you even feel a slight need to make that comment?
cmo333 10
I would want a puppy...
nandybear 19
I'd rather get a puppy