Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
am_bugg 20
Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.
ladoom 23
Who complains about getting a puppy?
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Comments (101)
erriiinn 9
I don't see how this is a bad thing
_that_1_girl_ 3
Why not both? *mexican music*
IHazNoUsername 9
I'm sorry... Did you just complain about getting a puppy? That's just....... What is wrong with you?
willliamfriend 18
Puppy pasts longer than sex.
JerryClark 17
If it was sex, you wouldn't really be surprised
Joshnona 14
Puppies rock!
KatieMac919 4
Sometimes puppies are better than sex...
AngryAmerican 18
You ungrateful swine!
LyricaSilvan 30
Well, sucks to be you, OP, if you're really going to complain about getting a loving, lifelong companion. It also sucks to be you if getting sex comes as a surprise. Your sex life must be virtually nonexistent.
BLARGTEHTACO 20
fml? that's awsome. I envy you.