Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
am_bugg 20
Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.
ladoom 23
Who complains about getting a puppy?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
popsvb01 9
the votes and comments seem to be completely opposite...
dwood08 10
Well I'm a cop and I work opposite hours of my wife. She has days, I work nights, she's pregnant still in her first trimester. Getting to be intimate with her is extremely rare due to her morning sickness. So I shared my experience of the fact that I get my one night to have with her and it's met with a puppy that I now have to clean up after every half hour.
Rababco 29
Well, than think of the puppy as training for the new baby! Congrats on the upcoming baby and new puppy! It's got to suck not being able to have sex with your wife though, it probably sucks for your wife too; hopefully she'll feel better as the pregnancy progresses.
pl0xs3rver 45
You're lucky OP, I come home to neither a puppy or sex.
dwood08 10
I truly understand your pain.
Nikki_Shay 4
Lol the puppy is better
Plastic_Stitchez 25
At least you can have a pet at your place in my bf surprised me with a puppy id be super excited! Sex can be had any time
Ziggy122 15
There's at least one FML per week that reads something along the lines of "boo hoo my girlfriend/wife said she had a surprise for me but the surprise wasn't sex ugh I'm so deprived FML". Granted, your wife should have discussed the puppy with you before getting one, but for ****'s sake, get your mind out of the gutter once in a while.
CaroAurelia 12
The **** is wrong with you, man? I'd rather have a new puppy than get laid any day!
your_ma 27
Your life makes me sad. Sex shouldn't be a surprise it should be normal. Also, a puppy is an awesome surprise!
Zebediabolical 45
Surprise her with anal.
DinosaurTacoTime 18
#59 surprise butt secks?
TipTopCaduceus 11
If you never talked about it before that is pretty bad... you probably should have been involved in that decision. I had a similar understanding when my then-boyfriend said he had something for me. I assumed he was propositioning sex, but he was actually proposing. xD
TisAPenguin 16
Unless you really don't want a puppy (and she knows this), you should be grateful rather than disappointed. Complaining about not getting laid, especially when you simply got something else you didn't expect, makes you sound like a whiney teenager.
Parvati48 15
Truth lol.