Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
am_bugg 20
Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.
ladoom 23
Who complains about getting a puppy?
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Comments (101)
mindthief 17
People like you don't deserve puppies. Ungrateful.
dehvi 9
You guys gotta remember. He's married, we all know men don't get laid that much after marriage.
cnygard95 12
You could not be an asshole and be grateful that your wife gave you anythjng..?
fatman27 3
how is this a bad thing?
Parvati48 15
Lol well maybe you should try correlating surprise with something other than sex and not be disappointed in the future. Besides puppies are adorable and lots of fun. They turn into life-long friends if treated right. Be grateful OP! :)
WoldowJR 25
I clicked YDI Don't take it as an insult though. You probably deserved the puppy.
bobsanction 18
You were not expecting he puppy, therefore it is a surprise.
KittyHawkMarch 29
You should be happy anyways!
noelleflores97 12
Dude, I'd be thrilled to come home to a new puppy. If it was a cat, I'd maybe understand the disappointment. But dogs are the best
LondonderryAir 9
I feel bad for OP that sex would be a surprise. Try some romance man.
dwood08 10
Romance is out the window my man. Morning sickness took that away, tried to be romantic and was met with puke. Really a mood destroyer.
squideth 18
Aww poor you. Not. Your wife is carrying a living being inside her and you're whining about sex like it's a life necessity.
syed121417 22
Now just because OP complained about not being able to have sex does not mean he is not happy or grateful for the soon to be born baby. I'm pretty sure he realizing the struggle his wife goes through due to being pregnant. Do people not understand how being suddenly cut off from sex can be frustrating? You try it. Being married and then being cut off and see how easy it is. It's like saying just because someone complains about one aspect of something, that must mean they dislike the entire thing.