Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
am_bugg 20
Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.
ladoom 23
Who complains about getting a puppy?
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Comments (101)
svenska75 3
FYL for thinking « surprise » means sex...
PrincessSnow 2
I hope she never throws a surprise party for you....
Sansa_fml 38
haha, I can imagine what can go wrong there..
Fou_Lou 20
Nope. YDI. for interpreting surprise as sex. Would a surprise party be a gang-bang to you? XD If youre sexually deprived talk it over with your wife and find a solution to having more sex. Being dissapointed is fine. But you brought it onto yourself.
codexide 11
pretty sure puppies are way better than sex.
JKROB 16
who complains about a new puppy?
blackonblight 33
Someone who doesn't like dogs, is allergic, isn't financially able to support a pet, has a lease forbidding pets...
DenverTyrrell 13
Puppy's are good but sex would have been better, I bet you'll learn to love the puppy!
LoverWordsFood 27
Some of these comments are interesting. Let me throw this out there: what he knows that they don't have any time for a dog? Something like this happened with my in-laws. My father-in-law was gone on a business trip for a few days and came back to find that my mother-in-law get them a puppy that they have no time or money for. He wasn't happy about it, still isn't. A puppy, as cute and wonderful as they are, take up a lot of time and money. Maybe OP is in the same situation where they don't have the time for a puppy or even money. Taking on a dog shouldn't really be a surprise. It's, like a lot of other things, a responsibility that both parties need to agree to.
GentlemanBastard 15
If my wife said she had a surprise for me, the last thing on my mind would be sex. Of course, nobody should get a puppy without discussing it with their spouse, but how irregular is your sex life that it's a surprise?
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
Dude puppies are still pretty ****** awesome.
middlenamefrank 8
Sex is a surprise to you? Wow, sounds like a wonderfully satisfying marriage. (sarcasm off)