Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

Countdown

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

Multitasking

Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

Planning

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

Nailed it

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

My wife

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML