Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML
Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML
Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML
Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML
Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
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Top comments
leogachi 15
People shouldn't use the words "busy" and "Facebook" in the same sentence, unless that sentence is "I'm too busy for Facebook." Call her out on it. What's she gonna do, stop having sex with you? You aren't having sex anyway.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Unhook the router. Sex. Reconnect.
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Comments (83)
Juicenub 25
Sometimes you just can't win.
Grayness_ 26
He can have sex with her while she's on Facebook. Everybody wins.
spatula232 25
The irony is real
SoloAutotunE 17
Hypocrisy*
brownapple 22
Try talking to her about it.
leogachi 15
People shouldn't use the words "busy" and "Facebook" in the same sentence, unless that sentence is "I'm too busy for Facebook." Call her out on it. What's she gonna do, stop having sex with you? You aren't having sex anyway.
a1_z9 10
What she probably really means is the prospect of sex isn't sufficiently appealing for her to get out of her computer chair, which is not going to be solved by getting pedantic with her about the use of 'busy'. Unless that's her fetish.
TH_Insomniak 15
she can't exactly find out if and/or improve the sex if she never gets out of the chair now can she.
FieldLeftBlank 20
#32 depends on how sturdy the chair is *waggles eyebrows*
noonenoeone 22
I'd like to see this waggle you speak of...
vikky538 29
Like you said OP Has nothing to lose if he asks his wife.
leogachi 15
It's not going to be solved by her bitching to Op about never having sex when it's apparently her own fault she isn't getting laid.
1nertia 15
Was gonna ask if you'd tried poking her, but I do think people would like my comment... Or understand the puns.
lukian_fml 29
I smiled at this :)
1nertia 15
To be honest, these were so simplistically terrible I felt like listening to Justin Bieber on repeat for 4 hours to erase my sin.
Novadi 22
You can always sext her on Facebook.
zahidnasir 22
Really its better for you to be single rather than being with a headache
leogachi 15
How is getting a divorce the solution you came up with?
Dreamsorrow93 24
Unhook the router. Sex. Reconnect.
Attacksloth 33
Make a profile of your **** and send her a friend request.
Kielnmsoftly 26
Or just block the ip for Facebook on the home modem. That way you still have Internet and now have sex!
pogopogopogo 8
I never understand why people give perfectly good, thumbs down. There's nothing here yet that is our stuff down, but there are so many.
randomname98 22
English, motherf*cker, do you speak it?
lexos 16
Try sexting trough facebook messenger to get her attention