Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
Today, I told my husband that as I wasn't hungry, he had to cook for himself. He rang my Spanish stepmother as a joke to complain that I’m not wifey material. She showed up, whacked me with her Chancla, and browbeat me into cooking. He feels hella guilty, but he’s still a dead man once she leaves. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
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Top comments
x_the_lancer_x 13
Do the same but make a show of scratching your balls next time.
Bloink 25
Oh mother in laws...
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Comments (53)
BriCx 8
If you have kids it sounds like they are more mature than their grandparents. That's pretty freakin sad.
WaffleKiller 8
That sounds kind of..... Shitty No? I'll show myself out
LittleBastard 20
Please do.
vipirius 18
You must be new here, or else you would have known that shitty is on the top of the banned puns list.
threer 30
Y'know , at first it was funny when you pretend like you finally understand that your pun sucks ass.. But now you're all being unoriginal little bitches and stealing other peoples shit. Stop ******* ruining shit and making jokes FML-mainstream, you ******* bitch-ass dicks.
Donnakar 20
Talk about monster in law sorry OP
kumarina 35
So the food was crack??? No, too much??? I walk myself out
Axipiter 24
Please do.
threer 30
Y'know , at first it was funny when you pretend like you finally understand that your pun sucks ass.. But now you're all being unoriginal little bitches and stealing other peoples shit. Stop ******* ruining shit and making jokes FML-mainstream, you ******* bitch-ass dicks. (Repost because even this proves my point)
mariepastyglue 30
When she's not looking or if she gets up by chance switch plates! Otherwise that's pretty disgusting you know, what she's implying, don't eat that crap if you don't have to Op!!
Wizardo 34
"Right back at ya" replied OP, as he nonchalantly dribbled into the wicked witches food...
Enslaved 38
Time to excuse yourself to her bathroom and pee on her toothbrush!
mete_orito 34
Or maybe take her toothbrush and scratch with it your butt-crack... haha
AverageJoey 18
You should have just started to make sexual innuendo moves on your wife to get back at them
starile 20
It's all about sharing trust. Show them you let them into your inner circle by smacking your wife on the ass and jiggling her **** every chance you get! Go into detail about your new hobby creating amateur sex tapes of you banging their daughter every night with kinky bondage toys. Surely they'll be honored by the trust you've placed in them. It'll be a bonding event for the family!
ksks1234 33
Just be super nice to her, never let her know she is getting to you. It used to drive my ex's mom crazy.
mFUNdo21 17
kill her with kindness!
jrock9093 18
Don't eat, get take out f them buddy