Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
the **** is wrong with your mom....
slick5880 22
How does one go about "molesting towels?"
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Comments (119)
mofran 0
the **** is wrong with your mom....
ManlyDunsparce 3
She is the Towel Whisperer. They talk to her, telling her that he rapes them. But in a serious note. FYL. Big time.
enonymous 9
So did you give your towels the Morning After pill? If not YDI
ManlyDunsparce 3
Agreed. Nothing worse than raising a half human-towel hybrid species.
VoteForTaco 8
This FML reminds me of 'Towely' from south park XD
indianguyinuk 12
People say weird things when they are drunk
gojira666 7
Keep your clean up rags hidden at all times
pinkcrayola 0
Well, if you think about it this way, shes probably the one who has to wash them.
A100893 30
Those poor towels.
justmethough 8
Even when drunk she has such a beautiful vocabulary, bravo.
zombiegold 23
Hide your cloths Hide your rags!
msjoyfull84 0
A bottle of wine is wrong with her, with a dash of bipolar.
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
One of these days one of those towels is gonna get high, and wander off. He shall be the most absorbent of all towels, pestering everyone to "use" him like his creator. Once the military catches wind though, they will want it for their own. As WMD if you will. They will steal your Xbox and demand you hand over the towel, but when you do... It's a trap! They don't have your Xbox, some foreign spies have it. They will send you to their base with a decoy towel, and once you hand it over to them, they will tell you the military lied and they have your Xbox! Then you'll be forced to become a double agent. Then when no one suspects a thing you will take the super absorbent towel back to the spies and get your baby back. Have fun being a towel-baby daddy!
laden_swallow09 35
77 - And also your washcloth cuh dey 'lesting everbody out heah.
MagicallyFat 12
Oh man that sucks. Hopefully they won't judge you too harshly after that comment. Good luck op
moop256 10
Maybe op does molest towels and just leaves them in a dark room to grow mold. Maybe the mother who has to wash the towels is the victim here, after all bring drunk brings out the truth...
moop256 10
*being
kristabelli 19
I'd say it's time you a) get a lock on your bedroom door, and b) start doing your own laundry! (Actually, I'd say it's well beyond time...)
wierdos_rule 0
Anyone else notice OP's name....?
rockerlove2013 6
U r my new bffl lol i love Harry Potter!!!!!!
Buttsexpirate 9
Man even towelie wouldn't want to be your towel. If its true. If not then sorry for the harsh mom OP and hopefully it doesn't affect your relationship.
slick5880 22
How does one go about "molesting towels?"
HattedMad 7
The same way a guy 'molests' a sock, I suppose
Roevera 14
Come on, nothing wrong with a little one on one time with a towel!
cja101 8
I always love ur comments Alan thumb up for Alan
Ins_Knie 2
If OP gets the girl, towels are saved...
thisisafunnyname 12
27, you realize you can't thumb up Alan?
skyeyez9 25
No...but leaving his mess laying there for days is nasty. I would not want to be his wife having to pick up after such a messy person. If he leaves "molested towels" laying around, he probably also leaves messes laying all over the place and doesn't pick up after himself.
ccspanthers89 4
27 you are a kiss ass
newlove_fml 0
What the hell does she think you do to your towels, OP? What atrocities are you supposedly committing in your allegedly evil den?
bizarre_ftw 22
Well actually it's not evil, just mildly unkind and a tad crotchety, the mother was just exaggerating for emphasis
Airman1988 9
hah love op's user name
mariaealvarez 1
Hahahhaha fyl
Courtney_Sanders 6
I really don't think your future in-laws are going to look at you any differently just because your mother got drunk and said those things. I'm assuming you have at least met them before this incident. If so, then they already know what kind of guy you are. Best of luck to you with your (hopefully) future marriage OP! :)
captainsuperdawg 0
Plus they'll probably be happy you're not defiling their precious daughter
flockz 20
that's why you splooge into a sock and not a towel. it also helps to imagine the sock as a furry ******.
Gregsgirl4ever 0
Wow. You are a pretty lonely dude, aren't ya? Heaven forbid the unlucky girl you pick up at the truck stop washes your socks. That's disgusting.
flockz 20
i love when people take my random word vomit so seriously. it amuses me to know that i don't care as much as other people.
TPSerigne 9
35-I was actually slightly amused. Furry vaginas are a thing of the past though.
flockz 20
au contraire, i prefer the feeling of rug burn over friction burn on my fuckrod.
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
64-tell that to my ex!
TOXICxANARCHIST 0
Wow! @Gregsgirl4ever your dumb as f**k if you think he was serious…
bizarre_ftw 22
Poor Greg
DocBastard 40
I thought it was your in-laws that are supposed to hate you. You're thinking outside the box!