Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML
Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML
Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
astro_plastic 0
Little do they know, their printer is actually Optimus Prime.
shorty1989 0
wow paranoid!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
shorty1989 0
wow paranoid!
TempestJones 0
Not so much paranoid as scared silly... Poor OP.. Your heart was prolly going gets a million miles a second!!!
ImaginaryFoe 1
Either paranoid or suffering from PTSD. Or maybe your printer is serious about getting some paper by any means necessary. ("I need that paper now, b****! Don't make me hurt you!") I can't imagine why else it would sound like a gun being loaded.
TheAlina_fml 0
its not paranoid. it was ******* darkk mayn. i wouldve done the same.
AnonymousGalifrey 1
i would have probably shot the printer if i was in that situation
giggity123 0
nothing wrong with that better safe than sorry
BlueJeans2626 0
ha. sounds like something that I would do, not as extreme though. ;)
JohnyF 0
cute :)
ilovechocochipz 0
o no that happened 2 me i thot that sum1 was behind me, just the papers in my hand brushing the door.
Dwight_A_R_Manag 0
Even if there was someone with a gun dropping to the floor won't save you.
saywaturcoco 0
I heard the sound of a key in the keyhole everytime i moved....to bad everyone was home...sleeping!
gigi_bella 0
"Feed me the frickin' paper already or the assignment gets it!"
epicfailburger 0
you should have called the cops. they would've negotiated with the printer into letting you go.
XxBlackamusPrime 5
Or the person got scared shitless. I would do the same thing if I heard something like that in the dark. I doubt he's paranoid.
XxBlackamusPrime 5
*She
alleyx3 0
I get paranoid too when nobodys home xD
nolasaints 0
haha that's a really funny story but it doesn't qualify as a fml.
Killah_Jay 0
Something tells me you're black.
mn_mpls 0
killah jay something tells me you live in a trailer park somewhere in Alabama.
StoryOfTheYear 15
lf that was me that printer would have a bigass bullet hole in it
Itzmeh 0
Hmm probably wouldn't have happened if somebody replaced the ink every once in a while...
Sunset_Taco 0
holy crap, that's scary. especially if you live in a bad part of town.
gomego87 0
Ahh; printers, I love 'em.
Gabaloka 0
the printer was out of paper, not ink. read first.
starberries 0
#114, it's bad to stereotype people based on their race, but it's OK if it's based on where they're from? Hypocrite!
_Linda_Stone_ 0
OP is an idiot. How dumb do you have to be to drop to the floor on hearing a printer sound? YDI
Trainn 19
I'd bet you would do the same. Oh wait, you're "smart"
mrzero 0
woho!!! first!!!
shorty1989 0
fail
scorpio95 0
Woo-Fail
phreshboi 1
this reminds me of ace Ventura when he's in the storage and steps on the bubblewrap! hahahaha good times
BieberFeverLol 0
hahahahhaha FAIL!!!
LtHoward 0
Lol half asleep or what? I've never confused my printer with a gun. I did get scared by a dog I saw at work once that chased my friend around only to learn that putting up my hand like I was gonna throw something at it scared it off haha
cookiemonster17 0
not a fml
astro_plastic 0
Little do they know, their printer is actually Optimus Prime.
Nometet 0
Win.
WTFLMFAOFML 0
astro is hot
astro_plastic 0
Word, it's not like I'm attractive or anything.
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
#35 do you want to be the one to tell the pervy dudes that 98% of girls with "hot pix" on the internet are actually obese women or middle aged male truckers who like the attention from young boys...
astro_plastic 0
That's true too. I'm not really a young woman- I'm actually a 56 year old, grossly overweight male with homosexual tendencies. I'm currently slathering my naked body in peanut butter and listening to my parakeet speak Spanish.
vjj 0
Same...
astro_plastic 0
meet me on Chatroulette.
qwerty4321 0
nice.
neonblue120 6
u forgot the third that they actually are hot but live halfway around the world
iivann 0
Jajaaa that's funny
SAGARCo 19
The main thing I grasped from that is that you taught a parakeet Spanish, which is impressive. I never even heard of foreign speaking parakeets, strangely. I now have the urge to teach a parakeet Russian.
swagga0n1oo 0
owned by printer fool! lol
CorseYaDid 0
Bwa ha ha ha you got owned by a printer :D
thebeav2004 0
where do you live ? The ghetto.
Cristaderzi 0
Me thinks shes a vet or a LEO or a victim and has PTSD!
dotdotdotquestio 0
hey don't listen to them they're retards. it was instinctive. imagine if it was you wouldve been smart. smh it was the right move.
rahhh 0
haha ******* LMAO.