Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Witches Brew
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Wizardry
Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Foreshadowing is a literary device…
Today, I told my wife I wanted to reconnect with my religion. She told me that if I wanted to I could, but to expect divorce papers when I got back because she doesn’t intend to be married to one of those boring ass religious nut jobs ruining her Sunday mornings. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML
Turn the other cheek
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Top comments
ninjawatcher 2
Now I want to know what religion.
MisterDoctor 12
Do you solemnly swear that she's up to no good?
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Comments (147)
Enslaved 38
He who has no name?
toelie 26
You-Know-Who does have a name, you know.
tsent8 15
And then dumbledore said by the power of raven claw! Let there be light!
infectedsense 15
I think it's really rude that people have voted YDI on this one; religion is important to some and you would expect your partner to understand and support that aspect of your life, even if they don't practise the same faith!
gracehi 33
Well, there are always trolls clicking "YDI" for no reason. And there are lots of assholes on the internet, so you should just get used to it. On the other hand, I do agree with you. The atheists commenting on here saying "well they're both fake" are conceited self righteous assholes who think they're smarter than everyone and are too damn smug to realize that the vast majority of the world think they're the idiots, and that some of the greatest minds in the world have believed in God (even if they weren't religious) including Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, and Stephen Hawking. Although, to be fair, the people making such comments on here could be agnostic, but in my experience agnostics have more respect.
gracehi 33
Just to clarify, I wouldn't describe all atheists that way. Most of them are respectful and humble people. I was just referring to the ones on here making those inflammatory comments about religion.
gracehi 33
Yes, Alan, that's why I made the following comment. But people are also entitled to believe what they want, and while people are entitled to their opinions, I am also entitled to make judgments on their character based on their disrespect towards others and their beliefs.
gracehi 33
That's why I don't go around telling people their religion is fake. I certainly wouldn't want someone to do that to me. I see your point, however, just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I can't call people out on their bullshit. The words I used may have been harsher than what a "good Christian" would use, however I never claimed to be perfect. I also think that that the non-religious must find it convenient that they can hold the religious people they criticize to a higher moral and civil standard than they hold for themselves. Must be nice to be able to provoke others to insult you by showing them no respect and then throw it back in their face as a betrayal to their faith. In any case, Jesus himself wasn't exactly known for being polite. I seem to recall an incident in which he called some highly esteemed Jewish leaders "a brood of snakes." And yeah, he was calling those guys out on their bull shit too. Not saying Jesus would condone what I said. I'm not that self righteous. I'm just saying that, in my opinion, Jesus wasn't necessarily always agreeable and polite. You don't get condemned to death by an angry mob by being polite.
gracehi 33
I don't see where you're getting that, Alan. The only person I noticed who mentioned Scientology was doodlecloud and those who replied to her specifically. There are even those who explicitly claimed "all religions" are fake like Harry Potter without any reference to Scientology. I know you're an atheist, Alan, and I respect that you disagree, however those who believe in any religion, including myself, do not believe that it is strictly "man made" but divinely inspired, even if the rituals designed to honer their deity are man made. To tell them that their faith is nothing more than something a human being made up is as insulting as telling you that you're an atheist because you've been deceived by Satan.
gracehi 33
"Holly emergency?" You mean a shortage in holly production? You mean that can happen? Holy shit, what ever will I use to deck the halls! Hurry up and wake him, Didi! We have to set our philosophical differences aside and work together to solve this crisis!
xxxviii 5
wait,, Terminology of religion? Does that mean she switched the words " god our lard and The high council" or something? Either way one is as real as the other ( sorry HP fans) and about the same amount of people wish they were both real.... Would make the world a more interesting place to see them out on a football field clubbing the sh*t out of each other tho,,lol..
toelie 26
*lord, although I like yours better.
souljacker 11
well, it's all fiction anyway.
obviousboy 8
Eh, Harry potter has had a more positive influence on the world then religion. I'd say its a trade up.
stitesy29 18
Hmmm... Explain.
bignardz101 14
Well they are both fiction so…
fabulosogurlee 7
Close enough? No? Okay...
unchained_fml 0
Usually what happens to catholics