Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my wife of twelve years got drunk and told me the best sex she’s ever had was with her first ex after they broke up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
seanseansean321 0
time to ditch her and find you a new lady :/
Laurendorcus 0
You should get her saying that on tape and play it back to the judge during your divorce hearing. :-)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
lonewolfxxx 0
that would be your sign to find someone else. it's not worth the pain to hold on to her. I should know. good luck with that.
armadilloz 0
u should upper **** punch her and slap her with ur **** accross the face. then while shes on the floor, **** all over her face and piss on her. then shit on her face. anyone agree?
dfos1989 0
you should just rape her
Gary_Fresh 0
I'd kick his ass then go back and kick her ass just for thinkin about ****** him
maph3rs 0
dump the bitch!!
blankettt 0
@ 32, 33. I could have sworn it was seven. I'm probably wrong lol, I didnt even realize it was from South Park haha.
Kockdiesel 0
it was mr garrison who said it, referring to why he's gay.
alphaxzero 0
how is it the other guys fault? either way, divorce. if she hasnt already ****** some other guy, its only a matter of time. get yourself checked for stds too.
caleb865 0
there should be a "who approved this" button. not am fml...
Dravien 0
Agree with
hjrn 0
how is this not an FML
Nate_Fisher 2
Agreed. Seriously, how is this not a fml?
cinnamonfire131 1
at least u got a heads up
MiiSzjDM 7
what a dirty hoe break up with her
perdix 31
Stupid bitch. I'm sure the "amazing man" would have accepted a ******** . . . or a back door pass.
xundria 5
^this.
perdix 31
Thanks. By the way, I commented on this before they edited the original post. It used to say "**** him" instead of "have sex with him."
xundria 5
Lol. Most of your comments make for good lulz moments.