Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, my wife and I had a huge fight that ended with her taking my son and going to her mother's. What happened? I caught him playing with the knobs on the GAS STOVE for the third time and spanked him for it. He's been told not to play with those many times already, and I'm scared he's gonna start a fire. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument, which resulted in her begging for a divorce, and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
OP and wife fought OP went downstairs to couch OP's wife grabbed spoon Spoon can be used to hurt people OP afraid
SilentTreatment 7
Well since OP isn't sleeping in the same bed with her, she probably wanted something to spoon with! :P
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Comments (131)
Pixie333 6
Wait what? I don't get it..
WCARlover 35
OP and wife fought OP went downstairs to couch OP's wife grabbed spoon Spoon can be used to hurt people OP afraid
ariannaimelda 7
Spoon = possible surprise buttsecks for OP
SilentTreatment 7
Well since OP isn't sleeping in the same bed with her, she probably wanted something to spoon with! :P
baconstrips 12
RUN, ******* RUN
kaprookie 3
What if she was just using the spoon to eat ice cream?
Jonkbaby 23
well you're not there, how else is she gonna spoon?
moodyreallyrocks 27
LOL!
rallets 23
reminds of the horribly slow murderer with the extremely inefficient weapon on youtube
cjade5 0
Just apologize to your wife?
nahgemsoohc 0
VOODOO TIME
habibiiiiiii 2
I love ur pic ! #17
DryHumor 4
87 I love that movie.
Dojan 16
There's two instances of the letter "i" in the word aluminium!! A-lu-mini-um.
abbytequiere 9
Yes, because there are so many things one can do with a spoon. Well.. I guess there are. If you're creative...
yahoowizard 16
It's what makes her plan so good...she can't take the knife or fork since it's obvious and OP will call her out on it. Rather, she takes the spoon which mind ***** OP out of sleep
saliat 0
Yeah maybe it was just a threat
Jovecove 13
Or maybe she just wanted to gorge herself with ice cream using a huge spoon...
ohSNAPyall 27
I like rusty spoons.
lvl19virgin 0
Wrap some duct tape around the handle of a spoon, heat it up with a lighter for 2 minted then run it under some cold water. Spoons. Are. Dangerous.
WTF_BRAIN 11
Calm down there mr. Salad fingers
johnrdz3 24
Where do you think the phrase heavy metal came from?
awildwhisper 30
SALAD FINGEEERS!!!!! :)
LifesJusGreat 7
That would be a very slow painful death...
Dandeska 7
Bet it'd make an awesome. Movie though
Grimmerie 31
It already is a great movie. It's called The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon.
stefluvsyou 4
Just be glad it wasnt a knife
JayBear14 11
I'd take the knife... Less pain.
ohSNAPyall 27
Or a melon baller.
SammiJS121 0
or a fork .
JojoChuo 8
Make sure to wear pants!
niniloka 2
dont you just love crazy bitches!!
tsim_fml 0
Hey Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv make you sleep on the couch again?
tsim_fml 0
yessir
captainfalcon7 0
What are you afraid of?? That shes going to eat all the Lucky Charms??
WCARlover 35
She just using it to mix up the batter for your make-up cookies...haha jk you're screwed
Chocomaro 4
defend yourself with a fork
IndigoAcrylic 9
I pictured Squidward yelling that to Spongebob ^_^
ohSNAPyall 27
Why does spooning always lead to forking?