Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
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Top comments
Bathory_fml 0
Just start screaming "I HAVE NO SON! " at the top of your lungs. That'll shut her up. Probably out of confusion, but still.
dzidziaud 5
Hahaha, that must have been fun. was your visit to the police station pleasant? :]
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Comments (131)
xHaniffax 0
WOW...she's a genius! Keep an eye on her, she's clever...I don't know most 2 year olds that would pull a stunt like that. Really....she's good.
I_Deserved_It 10
OP... YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
allmidnighteyes 11
LOL. ******* Maury.
decibel_beads 0
lmao. precocious little tyke - kids these days:-)
bubblybrooke 12
bratty little child. say 'okay' and walk away. come back in 5-10 minutes and see her in tears. bet she thinks ur her daddy now ;)
austinsbabey 0
omg lol. i did that when i was 1 and a half when i did that and everyone freaked out. it was so much fun. im smart like that!
batrob 7
OMFG your kid is a genius. have fun when she's a teenager
rustyrox 0
how do kids come up with these things? if I were you I would have said well I guess I should get going home then and find my daughter...and start to take off Always worked for me
stlcards220 4
lol. that sounds like me when i wuz a kid. She'll be a wonderful teenager :)
ithedarkknight 0
lol sweet you should of just grabbed her and ran out the store. Then when people try to attack you or hit you to let her go. That's when you sue them.
DuhthatsObvious 0
For all those people saying "Just walk away and leave her there," hello... someone could get him for neglect. You don't do that to your kids. I would personally never let my kids out of my eyesight. It's called good parenting.
paperfox_fml 0
No one is saying 'drive home and leave her at the shop for 5 hours'. They're saying to start walking away. She'll start screaming and run after him before he's gone 10 steps, guaranteed. And really, you never take your eyes off your kids? Ever? They're gonna have issues when they grow up.
theanonimouse 0
I'm pretty sure they're not advocating leaving the kid in the store and going home. I'd leave the kid there, in the sense that I'd start walking away and maybe wait outside the door. That's what I do with the kids I have to watch, anyway. "Oh, you don't want to leave the park? That's ok, then. Hope the bears don't get you. Bye!" They sure come after that. :)
_THE_MASTER_ 0
yah dude i had to do that with my cousing all the time. keep them in eyeshot and earshot, but once you say something like, 'O.K., get kidnapped and never see me or the rest of the family again,' and start walking, they'll sure as shit follow. they might be yelling and screaming and crying up a storm, but they'll still go with you with less of a fuss and you won't get the police called on you for 'kidnapping' your own kid.
fantasyworld 39
They'll come running after ten steps. My mom did the same to me.