Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, I was at a store trying to buy a birthday gift for my niece when I knocked over a stack of porcelain dolls. As they crashed to the floor, a security guard rushed over, but before I could apologize, I heard a tiny voice behind me: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!” It was just another prank by my mortified son, but it was too late to stop people glaring at me. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
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Top comments
BoltTheSuperdog 22
And you're first reaction was to resort to physical violence (instead of at least a verbal request/warning for them to stop) without even confirming that it was your kid, let alone the same gender? In my opinion, YDI.
toowie_fml 20
Does that really deserve a smack in the first place?
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Comments (69)
BoltTheSuperdog 22
And you're first reaction was to resort to physical violence (instead of at least a verbal request/warning for them to stop) without even confirming that it was your kid, let alone the same gender? In my opinion, YDI.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#1: *your Sorry everyone. I'm usually really good with grammar/spelling but it was past 1:30 am when I posted that.
sweetest_jenn 18
Mistake or not, if I catch some random asshole smacking my children upside the head, there'd be hell to pay. While we're on that subject, OP. I'm all for corporal punishment. But spanking should be limited to the buttock area. No matter how you look at it, smacking a kid's head makes you look like an abusive brute. More so in this case because you didn't bother giving the kid a warning before striking him. You only seem sorry that you made a mistake and hit someone else's kid...
trex454 21
I think it comes into play how hard he hit him. not that hitting some random person is OK. but if it had been his daughter and it was like a Gibbs smack. I don't see the big deal.
sweetbliss3 37
i agree. i would be crazy pissed if i found out some random person touched my kid, let alone smacked them. and what happened to the talk first and then a swat on the butt. i cannot stand people who hit others upside the head; it's a degrading feeling and you sound like a jackass because you sound only sorry that it wasnt your kid.
kaseyyeahh 7
39 the big deal is OP didnt even look at the kid let alone tell it to stop before smacking it for something so incredibly stupid. communication for ***** sake. my mum could stop me doing anything with a look & by saying my name with a tone. if you cant discipline a kid without hitting it you do not deserve to have one.
PeopleLikeGrapes 12
**** the kids life, I hope you didn't hurt her.
z3r0d4z3 22
him*
PeopleLikeGrapes 12
My bad it's 4:30 and I read it wrong :-/
BoltTheSuperdog 22
It's ok. It's 1:30 where I am and I just goofed on my post as well. I completely understand your plight (it's not often that I get to use that word)!
z3r0d4z3 22
No worries, it's all good. Wow it is 4:30 time to hit the rack.
PeopleLikeGrapes 12
Yea at this point I just pull an all-nighter. Why not.
sweetest_jenn 18
Time to hit the sack* lol Goodnight!
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#18 Me too. I can't wait to check this post out in the morning. Goodnight 'all! #20 Maybe #18 meant to say that...
DawnofDark 15
Hppefully the parents weren't too upset with you and the kid was okay!
jackel_love 14
"Hopefully the parents weren't too upset"? I don't know about you, but I would have blown my top if someone smacked my kid on the head. A sorry would not be enough for such fuckery.
doodlecloud 27
Yeah...I'm hoping the parents were pretty upset actually. OP needs to learn that this is not okay. As in, both the not noticing the child wasn't even theirs and the physical punishment (which I don't really agree with anyway but, as others said, if you're gonna do that at least give verbal warnings first and maybe don't smack on the head area).
kaseyyeahh 7
i hope the parents gave op a smack on the head. piece of shit deserves so much more.
toowie_fml 20
Does that really deserve a smack in the first place?
z3r0d4z3 22
Good luck explaining this to the actual parents. Remember to keep your guard hand up.
thexguyxnextdoor 10
A simple "knock it off" would suffice next time buddy, and then if the kid didn't knock it off it's maybe worth a light smack.... But not something that'll leave the kid crying on the floor...
TacoTrop 10
And now to deal with the mother hen.
Draxanoth 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Parents these days don't hit their kids enough, and by his reaction he probably never gets disciplined so just chalk it up as a good deed... And then get out.
Plexia 9
No one deserves to get hit, least of all a child.
sweetest_jenn 18
Stfu #9
doodlecloud 27
Maybe his parents were able to discipline him by talking to him, giving him time outs when he goes too far and generally respecting him in order to create a relationship of mutual respect and care (still different respect for adult and child but respect nonetheless)? I don't agree with physical punishment in principle but I understand it can be difficult being a parent and sometimes it might seem that nothing else is gonna make them listen...but it's still a last resort. What kind of monster suggests that a child may not be hit enough likes theres some kind of quota to be filled?! No.
cailey1234567890 24
When i was like 4 my mother would pinch me when i was a brat. And i go into the habit of every time she pinched me i dropped to the ground screaming "YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T PINCH ME ANYMORE!"
z3r0d4z3 22
I assume a vicious pinching cycle ensued.
cailey1234567890 24
Usually she told me to get up or she was gonna leave me. If that didnt work she would go hide behind the corner of the aisle until i got up and stopped crying
91hayek 31
wow are you a time traveler because I swear I saw a small girl do the exact same thing at the mall today. Also she was East Asian so maybe that wasn't you.
thefmlman2011 37
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Stoopid (yes, that was deliberate, don't correct me)
warsun 27
*stupid :3