Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Whoa, before blaming my aunt, I'd rule out any non-native English speakers who inquire about FAQs!
Welshite 40
Wow. You should be proud of your son! All I can manage is a stuttering gurgle when I try to pronounce "*".
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Comments (35)
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Sometimes. Just sometimes. Wives have a point.
Welshite 40
Wow. You should be proud of your son! All I can manage is a stuttering gurgle when I try to pronounce "*".
Kira1965 23
Look in the bright side- it could've been worse- he may have learned the "C" word, OP!
zman938 8
Umm, what are you talking about? How is that worse?
Jared900DUmpling 30
**** shit **** bitch, my nigga.
Jared900DUmpling 30
**** shit ****
BREADFAN 5
Sai come parlare Italiano? Perché sai si esegue questa operazione è ridicola
Tripartita 45
Whoa, before blaming my aunt, I'd rule out any non-native English speakers who inquire about FAQs!
SocialAmethyst 20
love the past FML reference.
colo16_fml 10
What an ignorant thing to say.
Dale_shackleford 13
Look on the bright side, when he is older, this is going to be a hilarious story.
WolfyGrace 24
"Daddy, what was my first word?" "Sorry son, you'll have to ask that question again when you're about 16 or 17."
jcash52426 5
Wait tell he say it to a complete stranger then it even more embarrassing.
Catdragon 40
Like father like son?
FML_14u2c 14
Clean out your ears, he said "truck". :-P
_Desiderata_ 9
Let's hope that his next word is not "you"
KittyKatarina 14
Or, "off."
Lalala579121 28
Or "me".