Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
matdun101 19
He has learnt the alternative name of a rooster already? Damn, that's one smart child!
Roskosity 22
Disney? Their new generation stuff is questionable.
mz135 12
Teach him block next.
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
lil_ham1644 29
Aladdin: also change yourself to get girl. Albeit she hated the cocky prince version.
GentlemanBastard 15
Disney has always been perverted. All those hidden little things like the priest having a boner in The Little Mermaid, the naked chick in the window in The Rescuers, etc. All of it was sexualized.
junkman6 22
I always thought beauty and the beast was Disneys blessing on the ********** subject.
Chibi_Kitten 24
#40: I never realized how much I have missed. Even after watching the night before I turned eighteen because I was panicking about becoming an adult, I still noticed nothing. Time to watch Disney movies tonight.
PotatoPal 11
Not to mention Rider getting stabbed in the stomach with a knife by Repunzel's emotionally abusive mother/kidnapper
junkman6 22
But tangled just had a mentally abusive and violent evildoer. Hell I think tangled is one of the least ****** up Disney princess movies out there.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
It probably is anther word. Mum or Dad is seriously overreacting, a lot of kids come out with what sound like rude words, as they're only just learning to make sounds! The "cl" in clock isn't an easy sound early on. If it is **** - a lot of people seem to remember to not swear around kids who can talk, but they forget they're picking things up before that.
SaharaZinc 14
A lot of Disney films aren't original stories, they're re-tellings of old fairy tales.
James_is_Mexican 25
Black mail him with that when he's older
Squishant 10
#107 care to explain how?
ThatOneGirl2020 13
Snow White beer slept with the dwarves
ThatOneGirl2020 13
And Aladdin didn't teach you to steal, he was a homeless poor boy who didn't have money to buy food
ThatOneGirl2020 13
Never*
fallensky916 6
He obviously heard it from someone lmao
SkittlesGoRawr 19
Not necessarily, a lot of younger kids have problems pronouncing certain sounds, making them pronounce words incorrectly.
iLike2Teabag 27
He could have been trying to say "coke" or something
JoshTheTacoMan 19
#36, coke would be worse. Have you ever seen a baby on coke? It'd be like Harold and Kumar Christmas all over again.
brezzyanna 17
My friends little brother couldn't pronounce "fix" when he was little, so "fix it" sounded like "**** it"
claudia19801811 14
Or it could be coke as in the drink which i'm sure they were thinking
hogman500 8
zach205 24
Wait for the second word, if it is something like dick, then you can confirm what his first word was
cakefete2 31
I'm hoping he just likes roosters and his second word is "a-doodle-do".
ArgentumAurum 24
At least it will make for a funny story later on.
jkmartinjk 16
I was hoping his second word would be 'sucker.'
hamzor 5
What if he's trying to learn the sentence 'tic toc on the clock?' Would it sound like 'dick dock on the ****?'
annie_nk 23
Might wanna convince his mom more than yourself lol.
rec_chem 22
What makes you think OP isn't his mom?
annie_nk 23
No idea why I thought OP was the dad. I feel pretty stupid.
PengiPou 12
I don't see anything that specifies what gender OP is... just the gender of the child
echosong 16
Maybe... Keep it down in the bedroom?
cjlerch 29
You are me. ...I had to post it. Begin downvoting.
BestToaster 6
Well let's see how that goes
Simbaby 23
Well as long as he doesn't know what it means we're good . Try to get to understand not to say it .
LisaDay 14
a **** is another word for rooster...
kittykat1501 31
finally! someone else who realizes this!
smilevue 23
I guess he's just starting young.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Some people skip the closet, I guess.