Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
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Top comments
StopDropNRoll 11
Sounds like a great conversation starter!
iknowimawesome 13
"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.
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Comments (187)
theonlysweetpea 10
Just gently remind him that when he did something wrong, he bought the punishment on himself.
neongurl98 10
Haha! Funny!
theonlysweetpea 10
Spanking isn't wrong, abuse is. Learn the difference before opening your mouth. There are kids who get beaten on a regular basis who would take a simple spanking over the brutailty that torments them. Abuse comes in many forms but a simple spanking isn't one of them. BTW spankings are NOT for shock value or embarrassment. If that's what you think, YOU'RE WRONG!
cargaljen 8
that's funny. Those who say you shouldn't spank your kids either do not have any, or have bratty kids. Ever heard the saying "spare the rod, spoil the child"? probably not. nothing wrong with spankings as long as it's on the behind!
theonlysweetpea 10
So if spanking is physical abuse then shouldn't time outs be mental abuse
Omni7 11
So I dont give a *** so u dont give a **** so we giv a *** so I dont giv a *** *** *** *** *** *** *** fyl
cheerleader1011 0
lmafaooo! how old is this kidd?
samicna 4
that's too freaking funny! kids are great!
jaff23 11
your son is a legend!
spazattack22 0
kids say the darnest things? lol i wouldnt even know what to say after that lol