Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
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Top comments
StopDropNRoll 11
Sounds like a great conversation starter!
iknowimawesome 13
"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.
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Comments (187)
Brittflies 1
Haha kids Are funny
Knight340 0
Kids say the darnest things dont they!!!! Lmao
underdose 9
Thats why you do not spank a child. It never works because its out of your anger and all it does is teach them violence is okay. So haha
simplylost643 0
Violence in a controlled environment is the only way to effect change sometimes. We go to war to let others know that we would like things to be a different way. For instance, the taliban probably wouldn't respond to well to a time out. Sometimes we got to flex our muscles though to get that accrossed. Not because we hate, but because we love. I don't want my children doing something that's going to harm them in any way. A child will still run into the street to get his favorite ball if he only has to stand in a corner for ten minutes as a consequence. Conversely, if the child can't walk straight for ten minutes (a known side effect of spanking) he/she won't chase after a ball that they're not going to be able to use with a swollen butt anyway. Just a thought.
fantasia123 0
Since apparently spanking isn't child abuse (which it should be) why would you worry about that?
Mxpxdude189 0
what's wrong with spanking? it teaches kids that bad actions have consequences. all you people who say it's wrong are the same ones who let kids grow up with no morals allowing the world to go to shit
Adv3ntur3Tim3Rox 3
Dumbass, many studies show that beating your kids makes the relationship and circustances worse
iluvdavid 3
Your son is... Gay
annagilbert 6
& thats why you shouldnt hit your kids.
Adv3ntur3Tim3Rox 3
Thank you!
okevin 0
Lmao!
julian1122 0
you hit your son? you sick ****. how could you possibly hurt something you gave life to?
VelvetRain 6
Dont spank or hit children. They grow up thinking its right. Then you'll get punched in the face.