Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML
Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML
Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML
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Top comments
MarvelFF1243 0
Should've sent them to their rooms.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Hi, I'm CanWeMicrowaveIt. And today, I'm here to talk about a epidemic sweeping the nation: Dream House fires. Did you know that a thousand Barbies a year get killed in house fires caused by their owners? That's almost twice as many that get thrown away, or run over by a car! So please, call this toll free number 1-800-BAR-BQUE, or 1800-117-1783, and donate anything, to help these Barbies, left in the ashes, with no Ken to call them, And we will send you a picture of the barbie you helped. Remember, call 1-800-BAR-BQUE and help save a barbies life. Thank you
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Comments (287)
bluelove 0
Haha fire+barbie dream house=a fun day at the therapist
cheesenuggrt 5
I think I found my God.
allisontayyy 0
I'm dying laughing right now. Hahaha! To cute.
ThatLooksSticky 16
What kind of patch does the Boy Scouts award for that?
punkin_26 16
The "torture your sister relentlessly" badge. My brother had one of those. He never burned anything of mine but he did fling ALL of my barbies into the ceiling fan and laughed as arms and legs went flying!
seishun_fml 0
Gotta love them kids
mynameisdharma 8
Can I just ask, how in the hell can some of you think that is awesome?! This child (and I'm sorry to say OP, given I am a mum myself) needs to be looked at and quick! If my daughter thinks it's funny to set a fire and destroy her sisters' stuff like that, she would be at the doctor's faster than you could say "Holy Crap Bobby Ray but we got ourselves a BAR-BE-KEW!" If he shaves the family cat and consistently wets the bed, you have a real issue on your hands, known as Conduct Disorder. And btw to all you who think OP is a bad parent, no amount of 'good' parenting will stand in the way of a (possibly) mentally ill child.
chevylynnB87 2
I agree 100%
punkin_26 16
Now you are blaming the kid. How in the hell is it his fault. No amount of parenting...bla bla bla. Thats bull!!! I'm a mom as well and if my son were to start a fire with something I wouldn't be quick to lable him crazy. I would however be the first to admit that I had a serious parenting malfunction. I bet you think you hyper child has ADHD right. Dumbasses!!! Hey lady-take youre son to a therapist, get him on some pills that make him a zombie, then when you dont feel like dealing with it anymore-send him to a mental hospital.
mynameisdharma 8
Actually I'm not blaming the child at all. Although at 6 he is perfectly old enough to understand that FIRE IS BAD! Ergo, he knew that by setting the fire in the first place it would obliterate his sisters toy and he obviously got a thrill from that. If this is a one off then fine, maybe he's OK and there is no need to panic. All I'm saying is that stuff like this continues then she needs to get it looked at. Actually my children are very well behaved and I would never think that just cos they are hyperactive that they have ADHD, but nor would I bury my head in the sand and ignore an obvious problem like most older parents do because they still believe that having a child with 'problems' carries a stigma. At no point did I say that OP is a bad parent, or that the child was mental. I said 'possibly'. Besides that if she does decide to take advice from here most GP's would encourage her to monitor her son for a specific length of time rather than just slapping a label on him straight away. And to call someone else's opinion bull is just out and out rude.
lifesuxalways12 0
Dude u have a future murder! Good job mom
nadiel_fml 0
Why does your kid have access to a lighter so young?
tanner10_6 3
I wish this was on facebook so i could "LIKE" it.
ComplexChris 3
Sounds like you have a future prison inmate.