EvictingItSoon
The miracle of barf
Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
ekoblick
United States
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
Anonymous
United States
The blame game
Today, I got bad food poisoning. Again. The first time I thought it was the stomach bug that’s going around, so once I felt better, I proceeded to eat leftover food that actually got me sick the first time. FML
eeeee
United States
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Anonymous
Houston, United States
Toilet training
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Anonymous
Smithfield, Australia
Low key
Today, my family is placing bets on my being pregnant. I'm experiencing a very painful miscarriage and no one knows. I didn't want to eat a pre-made gas station salad when I visited for lunch and apparently the only explanation could be pregnancy, not that I didn't want to die from food poisoning. FML
clumsycat
Nearly home
Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML
Anonymous
Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei
All bunged up
Today, I’m at my hometown for the weekend and bought my entire family takeaway for lunch without knowing my mom had cooked. Later, after finding out, I promised to eat it for dinner. Guess who is having food poisoning but can’t shit. The cramps are killing me. FML
mrsekko
United States
Creepypasta
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
crazycrochetlady
Crackers
Today, I'm seven weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't Cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up two hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML
Top comments
xXPikachuXx 21
OP's name makes this so much better.
P DarklyKira 14
OH I just understood. Good luck with whatever you wanna do with it
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Comments (14)
xXPikachuXx 21
OP's name makes this so much better.
Robert Cruikshank 7
Congrats, love. Even if not planned, God has blessed you. You will be loved.
distortedcognition 17
Dude... it’s biology not a miracle. “God” had nothing to do with it. Let’s leave the Bronze Age behind, can we?
kfchicken 31
even if you don't believe in religion why be an asshole about it? let people think what they want to think as long as they're not hurting anyone. if someone says something you don't like just move on. you're literally no better if your default reaction is to condescendingly belittle someone who genuinely believes they're saying doing something nice...
RichardPencil 32
Do you mean a fetus? I've seen lots of babies, and while some are headaches, none of them compare to food poisoning.
Alai 14
I think she vomited.
GamerChickxoxo 16
Was jeffrey dahmer your chef last night ? chunks of baby must have been awkward to throwup
Tom O'Halloran 9
you are gonna WISH it was food poisoning... #JustSayin'
P DarklyKira 14
OH I just understood. Good luck with whatever you wanna do with it
Itsheragain 9
that escalated so dam fast
raven_of_azarath 35
A few years ago, there was this really bad stomach flu going around my place of work. Every one of us got it, and it lasted a couple of days. When my coworker ended up being sick for a week, she finally realized she didn’t have it. She had morning sickness.
TheSminty1 17
I'd have thought you'd remember eating that.
WistayShlaio82 13
You are entirely to young