Doritos
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Top comments
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Get revenge. **** in his milk.
DarkHelmet 10
that deserves an ass whoopin!!
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Comments (277)
bossybanks 0
ewww lol hope you don't eat those doritos!
cody1992 0
lol
marinus_fml 20
haha there should be no 'ydi' for this one!!
spicyy 0
kick him out
cody1992 0
why screw up good doritoes
happygolucky325 0
Ewwwww that is just down right disgusting! I would switch roommates
suppressed08 2
that's ******* hilarious ^^ you should get revenge - one day he'll 'lose' his playboy, and never see it again :)
Ashleigh255 0
hahaha that's nasty . I wouldnt eat those now ! :)
Einstein714 0
who chokes it with a condom on anyways, he must of ran out of your socks
MikaRoxx_fml 3
who uses socks?!
Brownstranger19 0
that's funny lol his socks
Maelific 0
woulda been buddy beatup time. that's gross and shows a total lack of respect for you and your things.
Stevefett 0
I would have ripped up his Playboy. Kicked him in the balls. Made him eat the used condom. Washed his whole head in the toilet. Then made him buy me new Doritos. In that order. Just sayin'
nintendomagic1 0
i would've broke his legs thats just weird
Starfire99 0
Now there's a lovely thought for the afternoon ...
christa953 12
ok so your doritos are ruined? how is this an fml
Xanax_Pazzo 0
well if yur roomates cute and I was there, he wouldn't have needed a condom, cuz I woulda caught it all in my throat lmfaooo. jkjkjkjk it was a joke guys.
tencentsakiss 19
because his roommate is an inconsiderate jerk. that's why this is an fml.
cody1992 0
you should **** in his shampoo
nosajb23_fml 0
ydi for having doritos. I think. actually that doesn't work. but he ate doritos with his ****-covered hands?
MrSassypants 34
OP should take his playboy hostage until he buys you new doritos!
SilenNex 0
NOOOO!!!!!!! Soiled doritos, burn the poor things before they explode
comatoast 0
so........how's his dick taste?
sonnet 0
well at least he didn't dump the condom in ur doritos:)
UnluckyPanda 0
lol I love your answer the most :D
luvtruckguy 0
nice
MrCalves 1
next time he has chowder, **** in it
FMLRayder 0
WTF 5! That's disgusting!!!
inferno2080 0
5 - haha it's funny u say that when you look at ur picture
ZombieDios 1
Dorita's new line of chips, a torrent of cum flavor!?
rudiznell 0
not like he ha his semen on his hands. He used the condom. Have you not seen I Love You Man?
missmurderx 8
84, I'm guessing that's part of the late night flavours.
rachellelt695 0
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is. "" The interpreter signs, ""Where's the money? "" r The deaf replies, ""I don't know what you're talking about. "" The interpreter tells the hood, ""He says he doesn't know what you're talking about. "" The hood pulls out a large gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. ""NOW ask him where the money is. "" The interpreter signs, ""Where is the money? "" The deaf man replies, ""The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate. "" The interpreter says to the hood, ""He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger. """
Jandude 9
OMG! #2 is smokin' hot !!!!
enternamehere77 3
don't touch mah doritos!!!
tpike1296 11
To #43: FML is for small anecdotes of funny, sad, or gross things, not just "my life us ruined". stop complaining...do you want **** in ur chips???
oscar7753 0
lmfao funny how no one says anything about 46 lol youd think these people would be saying stuff lol =P
xshadyshadow 0
93- Lmao, random. But hilarious.
xXLenaXx 0
112, i laughed for 10 minutes. your sense of humour is truly appreciated. :D 46... i'm also glad you clarified exactly why the guy wouldn't need a condom if you'd been there, we would all be clueless if you hadn't explained it. thank you ever so much.
matt5217 4
5 I think you eat to many doritos
daniero 0
why would he need a condom lol
xXLenaXx 0
who loathes you? :O with your dazzling sarcasm.. :P
sasonzal 4
yeah im with number one,you watched hem doing it so you wont eat those,be happy you didnt ate them
mclostthankgod 1
no no you look like you have seen more than a few up close
Dragons_corner 6
10-Eintein watch " I love you man" and that that tells you why thru would use a condom for jerking off lol.
kalixzo 11
omgtff
breakingakajav 0
well on the plus side at least you can't get a STD from it.
pink_mx_braap 0
I just puked taco bell eeeeeeeeew that's nasty
SqueakyPanther 0
oh my.
sillyciara 6
wow. a girl up there is basically dumb as ****
Jakel 0
Whats the problem? surely the whole point of his using the condom was that he doesnt need to wash his hands, sounds a bit gross i know but if you think about it...
UnSatisfiedQueen 3
That was both Hilarious and mean... Great!
12luck34 0
Haha so true!!
DncrHap 9
deeeeelish! ;D
kev57_fml 0
Why would he use a condom to jerk of?
M4V3R1CKR13 0
cody1992 might eat them
greatsarcazm 0
Xanax say ahhhh open wide ;)
ujonesy 0
46 - your sluttyness excites me. I'm sure it was a joke ;)
FyourLIFEdotCOM8 0
54 I <3 your picture lol. cartman rocks!
urblown 0
keep yo hands off my mama, keep yo hands off my doritos
jizzmode 0
200 wins
stewpididiot 11
81 .. that was funny as **** !!!
BeeHappy_fml 0
#84 and 90 LMAOOOOOO!!!
sickestkids96 0
hahahahaahahah
urloveismydrug10 0
Think about it, cum flavoured Doritos!! Mm.. :p
BeachPanda 0
aahhahahahahaahahahahahhahahahaahaha thats just hilarious xD douche bag roommate tho crap in his face while hes sleeping to get back at him make sure you have a bat ready tho
fuckyourcouch89 0
u jus gave me a boner
sexkitten129 3
wow talk about safe sex! he's one of the only guys I know who uses a condom even when he jerks off. I'm just saying......
stevenquade 0
i sucks
tolraisgrey 13
not 'lose' his 'playboy'? *evil laughter*...
sysalis 18
Easy clean up.
DarkHelmet 10
that deserves an ass whoopin!!
krissytina 6
Maybe he was trying to avoid a messy clean up by jerking it with a condom on idk still that's just wrong on so many levels
Rawwrness 3
ydi for eating doritos. gross
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Get revenge. **** in his milk.
JeffGoesRawrr 0
Cody1992, That Icon Is ******* Nasty. Why Wouldd You Even Have That.? And Lmfao @11
sonnet 0
jizzzzzzzz
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
JeffGoesRawr: Your Capitalization Is ******* Awful. Why Would You Even Capitalize Every Word?
tencentsakiss 19
oh I know I hate that irishjanedoe. I feel like we would be good friends haha. There's another girl on here that capitalizes every word too.
tencentsakiss 19
*hate that, Irishjanedoe Not "hate that irishjanedoe". whatever I'm tired. I was trying to say I hate the capitalizing not Jane
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Ha! It's ok, I got what you were saying :)
xXLenaXx 0
Hahaha that was good. :D I agree with you on that, I think people try to overcompensate on their lack of intelligence by Highlighting Every Word. Pahh.
akagron 0
I Love Capitilising Every Word I Type Itz Sow Koo!
akagron 0
(I hope you know I was joking) Gah, Anti-Flood strikes again!
ggggiggity 0
136 as funny as he'll what?
TaylorTotsYumm 10
If OP ate the chips, now he knows what it feels like for girls who are pressured to swallow. >.< lol FYL, OP.
Basballplaya16 4
I would **** on his bar of soap in the shower so when he washes his face you can start calling him cum beard.
parte_perdiz 0
bwahahaha! creative revenge I feel sorry for anyone who pisses you off.
momogal 22
If I were a guy, I'd make a bar of soap with ****. But since I'm a chick, I'd make one with a used tampon in the middle.
sesp61289 0
lol so gross! and really sad...
ThatGirl321 0
Why did he have a condom on if he was masturbating :S
mspencer809 3
who ever said that he was masturbating?
Barrientos432 5
Have you ever seen 'I Love You Man'? lol
tencentsakiss 19
25, what else could he possibly have been doing with a condom and a payboy in the bathroom?
tencentsakiss 19
*playboy although I don't know why anyone would ********** with a condom on, but that is clearly what he was doing
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Maybe he lasts longer that way, so he gives himself a more pleasurable experience. >.<
goonie85 0
It's already lubricated and it catches all of your ****. I can understand why a man would do that. Although, depending on how often you **********, it could get expensive. And what if you need one for sex and you're out because you used them all on yourself. Wait, what am I saying, he's not going to have that problem.
skatergirl33 0
so he wouldnt **** everywhere!!
FMLoverAgain 7
haha i love yout roommate. He should be with me.
PatrickLikesMilk 0
Ahaha sucks to be you. Revenge is the best thing for you right now...
chimshar 0
and he had a condom why?
SexiLade22 0
"WIN"...