Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. Out of natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML
Today, after I'd saved a baby mouse and was filming a YouTube series of me taking care of it, my boyfriend told me he found a “rat” in the kitchen, but not to worry he killed it and fed it to the cat. He killed my baby mouse, and now he’s mad I didn’t praise him for his brilliant extermination job. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML
Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved in with me, after being long distance for months. Our apartment just became infested with mice. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
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Top comments
therealslim 15
I wouldn't particularly like a mouse running over to my food and eating it either
RachelBerry_fml 5
Well the mouse shouldn't be on the table..
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Comments (130)
kbt13 0
I know this feller named Tom, he''ll get rid of that critter fer ya. Or destroy your home in his many antics to trap the forever elusive rodent.
KiddNYC1O 22
Tom has been ineffective for years...
unhappybitch 8
I would've done the same thing
IntoTheClouds 42
Oooh, your boyfriend is scared of something?! For shaaaaaaaaaaaaame. -_- On another note, why was your pet mouse on the dinner table?
MrSassypants 34
Oooh, your comment is annoying!? For shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. -_- On another note, why did you bother to type a comment?
KuchkaNumberOne 2
And why did you bother to respond? Ass hat.
jannielovesjack 0
Why mr. Sassy pants, that wasn't very nice. For shaaaaaaaaaame.
MrSassypants 34
41 Why di you respond o my repond responding to someone's respond to the FML? We can play this gam all day. 48 I had a boost of sassiness. I am sorry if I caused anyone's sass-o-meter to explode.
hatesfate 6
More like lame-o-meter, just sayin'
philipino 24
Oh look, sarcasm! People that understand it? Nope, false alarm. Dammit. So close.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Super spell fail.
brandonjd25 3
Get a real pet. Freak.
Shrike 24
Hey cockmunch, they may be vermin down in your mom's basement, but in the real world they ARE real, domesticated pets.
starbucksguy 16
In what universe are mice not real pets?
masaconteh2 0
Let 'em know!!
TheDrifter 24
No, they are food to real pets. Keep your diseased vermin caged.
Mearemoi 14
A domesticated pet mouse is as much of a pet as a dog or cat is. Is it that hard for people to understand that just because they don't think it's a pet, that it shouldn't be one?
starbucksguy 16
Personally, I'd love a Komodo Dragon as a pet...vicious buggers, but let's see any burglar fight their way past it
RebekahBrooke 9
WHOA. Hold up. I have rats and they are wonderful pets. **** snakes. They're disgusting. Any domesticated animal should not have to be given LIVE animals as food. It's ridiculous. So before you make an ass-hat of yourself, shut up. And 18- Go get some tolerance. Know about an animal. Have you ever spent an extended period of time with a mouse? No? Didn't think so.
starbucksguy 16
85:- I'm hoping that the start of your mini rant was aimed at 33...I think rats are cool! Well, pet ones anyway...I can't stand wild ones
Youadoreme69 4
Maybe you should get some tolerance before you say anything. I have both rats and a snake, and no you do not need to feed snakes live animals. I buy dead frozen mice for mine.
egc573 40
This fear might be more personal than you think. A lot of people like to keep mice and hamsters as pets because they're cute, but they're really ******* inconsiderate animals most of the time, and will frequently resort to biting when you bother them. He might have just had a bad experience with mice before. For me, it's the reason I can't stand rabbits. (And if you really want a good, small pet, get a domesticated rat. They're much nicer animals.)
RebekahBrooke 9
I love you for saying rats are good animals. :) They really are. They just have a terrible reputation. But yes, they do have a mind of their own- they're very independent when they want to be.
funnynesh 10
Same with mice. They are all really awesome pets and you can get attached to them just as easily as any type of pet.
heitwl 1
Rodents get a bad rap...
perdix 31
If your mouse had bigger balls than your boyfriend, it's back feet wouldn't reach the ground;)
SkoomaKi 28
You've reminded me of the South Park episode where Stan's dad gets ball cancer (massive balls) for weed.
abbybeawesome 0
37 lol I love that episode it's ******* hilarious
loserman67 36
FANTASTIC I am laughing my ass off -- one of the best responses I think I have ever read!
jannielovesjack 0
Or op's boyfriend might actually be a girlfriend. BAZINGA!
jannielovesjack 0
Or op's boyfriend might actually be a girlfriend. BAZINGA!
dominic1221 6
What's disturbing is OP's name is "globesucker" in leet.
Acaprice14 9
Pretty smart of you to act like your house isn't rodent infested. Very good.
jaredofmo 22
And you're just used to letting your pet mouse run around the house? Come on, not every guy has nerves of steel. BAM! "HI, WASSUP! I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S MOUSE AND I'MMA EAT SOME OF YOUR FOOD! YUM! BYE, SUCKA!" Meanwhile your boyfriend is thinking "what the..."
groupleader 7
Now, just build up your mouses penis to a proportionate size of his balls and you can let your boyfriend find a nice girlfriend.