Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML
Today, my new (and possibly ex) husband told me he is reconsidering staying married to me. He thinks my snoring is “so unlady like” and he can’t live the rest of his life sleeping with a “fucking Snorlax.” I’ve had sleep apnea since my mid 20s. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
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Top comments
jmcow 0
Sucks man. fyl. You're ex-wife wanted the whole bed to herself. But at least you have a girlfriend now.
allmightyspiff 0
Actually snoring can be caused by stress, so maybe thats the problem? http://www.etipsguide.com/snoring-and-stress.html
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Comments (92)
BeastOfGevaudan 0
Whisper? http://smallbeerpress.com/free-stuff-to-read/2001/07/01/meet-me-in-the-moon-room-whisper/
Ninjaface 0
You know your marriage is in trouble when you make more noise AFTER falling asleep.
MELLLL_fml 0
your ex-wife was an asshole.
godyourethick 0
YDI for being whipped.
DarkBlisBT 0
either you used to snore and you dont anymore or she was just being a bitch.
EvilPuggy 11
It is indeed funny.
starberries 0
The ex-wife was probably lying, but not necessarily. My husband's snoring used to be incredibly loud, and at some point he just stopped doing it and hasn't (regularly) snored in years.
pornchips 10
this baffles me. about a month after I moved in with my boyfriend (which would be oct '09) he warned me that he was a loud snorer and his ex wife always had him sleep on the couch. he doesn't snore. zomg are you him!?
KaylieBieber13 0
and tht is why she is ur EX wife!!
judea95 16
I can't stand snoring but if you aren't doing it then she obviously just couldn't be honest with you.