Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML
Today, my new (and possibly ex) husband told me he is reconsidering staying married to me. He thinks my snoring is “so unlady like” and he can’t live the rest of his life sleeping with a “fucking Snorlax.” I’ve had sleep apnea since my mid 20s. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
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Top comments
jmcow 0
Sucks man. fyl. You're ex-wife wanted the whole bed to herself. But at least you have a girlfriend now.
allmightyspiff 0
Actually snoring can be caused by stress, so maybe thats the problem? http://www.etipsguide.com/snoring-and-stress.html
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Comments (92)
Troll_patrol 0
She made you get on the couch so we wouldn't be disturbed by your fat ass while we were *******.
mikew85 0
this is a stupid fml. you're complaining because you don't snore, you have a new gf, and your bitch of an ex is gone? **** you for complaining!!
idontgiveone 0
this is stupid xD and so you believed your new GIRLFRIEND rather than your ex WIFE? god you type of people makes marriage means so useless. STFU
Hellsno 0
How is this a FML??? Maybe you used to snore and now you don't! Whats the big deal???
catatonicsleep 17
Some people are lighter sleepers than others, maybe your girlfriend is a deeper sleeper than your ex wife.
plutosaplanet 0
i think you missed the EX part dumbass....in fact i think you missed the whole point of the FML stupid fml this was supposed to be a reply to someone else.
drimpossible 0
It's a miracle!
Christina21 2
And this is an fml how??
FritoLovesYou 0
YDI for dwelling on the past.
italiano187 0
Hey maybe your gf doesnt really sleep with you.
laughing_zebra 0
That bitch! You should just divorc her! Oh... You already did? Get over it!